Give me some dialogue from your day

Discussion in 'CycleChat Cafe' started by Crackle, 16 Dec 2011.

  1. bruce1530

    bruce1530 Über Member

    On the train this morning. Loud Lady behind me, telling her friend (and most of the carriage) about Jack and little Oliver. Apparently both Jack and little Oliver have been poorly. Jack hasn’t been eating properly, and little Oliver just wants to sleep all of the time. She’s very concerned about them, because normally Oliver is so bright and full of energy, but now he just sleeps.
    This went on for about 5 minutes before we realised that Jack and little Oliver are rabbits.
  2. Me: Mind that ice Jack...........WHOOAAHHHH !!!

    Jack: And he's down, count him ref !!!
  3. ColinJ

    ColinJ It's a puzzle ...

    Me, to woman in front of me in a checkout queue at Lidl: Is that your bottle of mouthwash left next to the conveyor belt?

    Woman: Oh, yes - thanks!

    I picked up the mouthwash and added it to her shopping on the belt.

    [We progress towards the checkout ...]

    Me, to the same woman in front of me, leaving the checkout queue at Lidl: Is that your bottle of milk left next to the conveyor belt?

    Woman: Oh, yes - thanks!

    [She picked it up and moved it nearer to her shopping bag as she packed it. I paid for my shopping and was packing my bag when I noticed that she came very close to forgetting the milk for a second time. She was about to set off without it, but noticed before I had to remind her again.]
    skudupnorth likes this.
  4. Lullabelle

    Lullabelle Banana

    Midlands UK
    Earlier I was in Currys and was approached by a guy from Loros

    Guy: hello there I am from Loros, have you heard of us?
    Me:yes and I regularly donate
    Guy: thank you but are you aware of our lottery?
    Me: no thank you, I don't do any lotteries :smile:
    Guy: oh, err ok thank you :unsure:
  5. Lullabelle

    Lullabelle Banana

    Midlands UK
    It is no surprise some staff look dead behind the eyes :sad:
  6. YukonBoy

    YukonBoy The Monch

    Inside my skull
    Want me to do a fresh hot water bottle?
    Yes please

    Wife in bed not feeling very well.
    Threevok and Andy in Germany like this.
  7. Profpointy

    Profpointy Guru

    think I was trying to reply to a different post there - no idea what thought
  8. marinyork

    marinyork Resting in suspended Animation

    Local sainsbury's on a Sunday night.
    security guard 1 gaffer: ... and you don't chase people around here, it's not the value of the gear, it's really rough. If you want to chase people a bit down the other side of town like Millhouses then knock yourself out.
    security guard 2: yes, guv.
    young newbie member of staff scanning some bread: do you want a receipt?
    me: no, thank you.
    young newbie member of staff: have a good evening (enthusiastically).
    manager nearby all this lot oO(facepalm)
    me oO(chuckle).
    KneesUp and NorthernDave like this.
  9. KneesUp

    KneesUp Veteran

    Makes note to only nick stuff from local Sainsburys if the security guard looks slower than me.
  10. ColinJ

    ColinJ It's a puzzle ...

    Person standing in my kitchen, describing problems with his house: "... and when I looked, I found the draught was coming from a gap in the mastic round the window."

    [Thus prompted, I realise that I feel a cold draught on the bald spot on my head. I look up ...]

    ColinJ: "Aaargh - I can see daylight at the top of the door frame!"

    Mastic Man will be round tomorrow with his sealant gun to make it airtight again.
    KneesUp likes this.
  11. KneesUp

    KneesUp Veteran

    Two women in a shop

    Woman 1, showing her friend a mug with a unicorn design "Here, get her this, she'll love it
    Woman 2 "Hmm. She's not really into unicorns anymore. She's in to goats now"
    Woman 1 "Goats!?"
  12. Lullabelle

    Lullabelle Banana

    Midlands UK
  13. Vantage

    Vantage The dogs chew toy

    Rang my bell to alert 2 ladies that I was coming up behind them.
    With a wry smile, the one on the right asked what I'd do if they were both deaf.
    Well, I just had too.
    I gave their ears a light dusting with the airzound and laughed, "That!"
    "Ya rascal!"
    Last edited: 13 Feb 2019
  14. Lullabelle

    Lullabelle Banana

    Midlands UK
    This morning I walked into the office

    Me: *sniff* can anyone else smell leaking fuel?
    G: that would be me
    Me: you're leaking fuel :eek:
    S: not something else wrong with you :laugh:
    G: wouldn't be surprised :laugh:
    Me: :laugh:

    Apparently G had bought a sandwich from Subway, it had something spicy in it and a mustard sauce, it didn't smell right :headshake:
  15. gbb

    gbb Legendary Member

    Line leader is having problems with a checkweigher, it keeps rejecting good packs.
    'Have you checked the weight limit settings ? ( he should know these, he has a specification sheet that clearly states what they are)

    'I changed the settings to try to get it to work....but it's still rejecting'

    'Did you use the proper test weights to set the program up ?'


    Ok, let's start again and j will set it up with my limited experience.

    So I check the settings, they're wrong. I correct them to meet the specs, it's quite easy.

    'Have you got the test weight ?'
    'Errr no'

    So I'm thinking you did t use the proper method to set it up...and you didnt use the proper specs....this is your job, it should be second nature to you, you've been trained, theres a SOP for it. But whaddaya do, hes a nice fella, trying his best and like others, hes found an easier way of doing things, sometimes it works but once they start this, it becomes Ingrained in them...they (a surprisingly amount of machine operators) just wont change to the proper way of doing things. The list of things they do incorrectly is endless...whaddaya do :wacko:

    So I showed him, smiled and walked off, the checkweigher is running now.
    And tomorrow, he will probably revert back to his way of doing it.
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