Discussion in 'CycleChat Cafe' started by Crackle, 16 Dec 2011.
We lost our chance back in the 1970s - we went to adjacent grammar schools, but never met!
Lad at work: "What stationary bike do you have?"
Me: "I don't have one"
LAW: "So what do you do when it rains?"
Me: "I get wet"
LAW "What? You go out when it is raining!"
Me: "Well, yeah"
On my way home I nipped into the COOP to get some chocolate for my husband, I picked a packet of mini eggs
The lady behind the counter said
Lady: if you buy a tube you will get more for the same price
Me: I didn't see any tubes
Lady: if you walk down that isle you will see them
Me:*scurries off down the isle* thank you
Lady: that's ok, you may as well get your money's worth.
This morning the phone rang, it was the boss:
B: good morning L, M here, can you please ask L to leave the training for a short while so I can talk to her?
Me: you mean S?
B: oh yes, you are L aren't you yes S please
Me: which one?
At doctor surgery this morning. “ Good idea to put up a notice telling us you are shut every Wednesday afternoon as well as Saturday and Sunday and it is appointments only the rest of the time. The emergency phone numbers you give could be good but unfortunately non of them would work as every one is wrong due to wrong dialling code or missing digits and yes I still want to keep my current appointment”.
We went to the theatre tonight and before the show started l was chatting to the woman next to me. (No not Mrs Colly)
Talking about shows we had seen at The Grand.
She was saying when her lad was small she took him to see a show with Bill Maynard in. ( Heartbeat etc)
So they had box right next to and above the stage. At a quiet moment during the play her lad leaned over the balcony and said in quite a loud voice to Bill Maynard
"What are you doing down there"
Not missing a beat he looked up and said:
"Do you know, I wonder that myself"
Can just hear him saying that.
Yesterday's conversation with the production manager
PM: how was the cheese club last night?
ME: great fun as always
PM: yes T was telling me it sells out every month, crazy isn't it? It's just cheese
ME: well no actually it isn't just about cheese, it is also the social side of it, chatting with friends etc....
PM: well yes I suppose.
He still thinks it is ok to mock us for sitting around talking about cheese despite explaining to him the social side of things, cheese is the bonus. He spends his evenings sat in front of the telly.
Caller : Are you missing two goats from your school farm ?
Me running down to our goat pen : No, all ours are accounted for
Caller: We have two running around our garden, can you help ?
Me: I will be down in 10 minutes
I now have two African Pygmy goats extra on the farm, just a normal day at work in our High School
I guess a photo will help with my dialogue
A loading bay door and wall were hit by a lorry a few days ago, engineering (not me though) attended, I do know contractors are booked in to assess and quote for repairs.
Area section leader approached me (we were not near the door at that moment..and asked me
'Is there anything we can do to make that door safe ?'
'Is it not safe then ? I will talk to my manager, see what was done and where we are....let's go have a look'
I looked at it, it all seems safe enough, blocked off with pallets, nothing is going to happen short of a hurricane.
'That's ok, I will get some hazard tape and put round the pallets, just for good measure '
And he replies...
'The engineers put hazard tape on it...i took it off because i needed some of the pallets...I've put them back now'
So instead of going and getting some he took the easy / lazy solution and actually made the area potentially unsafe...then remarks that something needs to be done to make it safe
(I suppose we should be happy he did at least say)
'Leave the pallets there bud and I will put some more haz tape round it...but don't take the pallets '
Strewth ...and that's a section leader
Sat at my desk this morning, the phone rang
Me: Good morning........
P: Hi baby
Me: hello it's you
P: it is, I am not ill, can you please tell S I want to use up a day holiday, John is at home this week and I want to spend a sunny day with him
Me: sounds like a great idea
P: you can come and join us if you like
Me: where are you? I am on my way
P: I am at home but keep covered up, this is a homosexual house
Me: no problem, get the kettle on
Sometimes common sense takes a day off
Cycling up West Nile Street in Glasgow city centre today.
Brewery truck stops at the lights right over the ASL and almost up on the kerb ignoring the few metres of green paint.
Next set of lights, over the ASL again, but in the right hand lane, so I stopped beside him and point down and say " you're over the line and in the bike box"
Reply.... I stop at the line so c#@#s like you can't go in front of me....
Since our latest granddaughter (3) was born, it's become normal for them to come over for Sunday dinner and stay the afternoon. For some reason GD (3) has taken to feeding ME my pudding. She sits on my knee and spoon feeds me ...its hilarious.
Shes a character as well so the dialogue goes like this...
'Want some pudding (a kids yoghurt which was actually got out for her) grandad ?'
'No thanks, you eat it'
'No you eat it, my feed you' (her way of saying 'I feed you')
'No you eat it'
'No, you eat it grandad'
So she starts to spoon feed me...followed by the usual....
'Want some more ?' (like I get a choice )
'All finished ?'
I turned to her mum a few weeks ago and said...'give it 10 years, she might be doing this for real '
Edited to add, today she actually said...
'Here comes the aeroplane ' as she swung the spoon towards my mouth
Separate names with a comma.