Give me some dialogue from your day

[Andy in Germany]

Just out of the shower I could hear some cufuffle from downstairs where eldest daughter and the mutt are and go down to see whats going on.

"Have you been tormenting that poor, innocent harmless little doggy again?"
ED: "Harmless? Innocent? She's been a pain as usual!"
Me: "Why?"
ED: "She's been chewing that green thing."
Me: "What green thing?"
ED: "You know, that green thing with the thingies on for cleaning."
Me: "The green thing with the thingies for cleaning? Well that narrows it down!"
ED laughing: "You know what I mean! I took it off her and put over there next to the thingy."
Me: "Lemmie get this straight, It's a green thing. With thingies on for cleaning. And it's over there next to a thingy. Yes?"
ED: "Yes!"
Me:
I walk over to the shelving unit. The Thingy.
I pick up the thing with the thingies on for cleaning.
Me: "This?"
ED: "Yeah! That!"
Me: "It's a duster you plum!"

KIDS!

Middle Son was telling me about the time "The thing was in the other thing" today. Maybe it's a generational thing.

I did point out that this description, while entertaining, was less than informative.

 

[gbb]

I blurted out..
'Oh for chrissakes '
Our son looked up.
'What's up ?'
My wife guffawed, she knew.
Our son looked bemused...
Call the Midwife music poured out of the TV...
I continued...
'Jeez, its soooo depressing, I cant stand it, that awful commentary, the doleful music, does my head in'
My wife...
'Go watch the other TV then'

I obliged.

 

[Lullabelle]

At work this morning storeman delivered a pallet of boxes to 1 of the guys R on the shopfloor

R: is that it?
Me: you're greedy
R: yes well I am quick
Me: not something you should tell a lady
R: didn't think of that
Me: well there you go

 

[gbb]

My manager...
'They're going to do a trial on line 2 tomorrow, use the 6x punnet program'
'Oh for chrissakes, I just deleted that program off the machine , literally 30 minutes ago'

We have had a lot of problems with operators corrupting programs, using wrong programs, modifying programs on this particular machine. The decision was made to delete any unused programs and leave them a bare bones choice to make it easier.

Luckily I'd had the foresight to note all the settings, plus saved them to USB. 15 minutes later, that program is reinstated.

 

[gbb]

My opening words as my shoulder sank...
'Oh for christ's sake'
My closing words...
'Dont worry about it, no-one died'

I was just locking my car door in a supermarket carpark as the car shuddered unexpectedly. A mother climbed out the passenger door and her maybe 17 yo daughter sheepishly climbed out the drivers seat of the car that just pulled in beside us.
'I'm so sorry, she literally just passed her test this week'
There was some talk of insurance but after i looked at my car, some very light scratches to the bumper paintwork, i gave her a break...
'I'm not going to bother with the insurance, it's going to cripple you for something so silly, it'll 95% polish out and maybe a can of touch up spray'

 

[Archie_tect]

"Did you hear Mick's died/"
"Which one?"
"Mick Jagger, he's not been well for some time so he's not been down to the club for a few weeks."
"Mick Jagger?"
"...he does the karaoke on Thursdays"
"Oh, that Mick jagger!"

 

[Kryton521]

Me to lady in the car behind, blinding me. "It's not f**king foggy so turn the f**king fog lights off!"
Her: "I don't know how to........"

I turned them off, hopefully she never finds the switch again!

 

[annedonnelly]

Me to the bloke on a bike with some weird multi-coloured flashing rear lights: "I'm coming past you!! Your lights are very annoying"

I don't usually bother over-taking. Blokes seem to take it as a challenge to get past again

 

[Electric_Andy]

I heard this today: "If someone gets the Coronavirus and has 2 weeks off, and I don't get it, I want 2 weeks extra leave"

 

[Threevok]

Mrs V : "I'm off to the cinema tonight"
Me: What are you going to see ?
Mrs V "I'm going to see The Invisible Man"
Me: He's not very good then, is he ?

 

[gbb]

I heard this today: "If someone gets the Coronavirus and has 2 weeks off, and I don't get it, I want 2 weeks extra leave"

As i walked past some colleagues, one was heard to say to another as they passed through the door in front of me...
'Eeew, i just had to touch that door handle'

Coronavirus is on everyones mind it seems.

 

[Threevok]

I just saw a news report that people are being advised to not kiss, touch or stand within a few meters of each other.

Who said marriage was dead ?

 

[Kryton521]

Me to the bloke on a bike with some weird multi-coloured flashing rear lights: "I'm coming past you!! Your lights are very annoying"

I don't usually bother over-taking. Blokes seem to take it as a challenge to get past again

Can't have been me then! I have a very non-annoying rear flashing light and anyone, male or female that over takes me gets cheered on, "Bon Courage!" or "Allez! Allez!"

 

[gavgav]

Email received from one of my team, asking if I know whether we will be providing the office with Hand Sanitiser Gel, due to Coronavirus........felt like saying, last time I looked, the soap and water in the toilets was working fine!

More politically correct response...go and ask Infection Prevention Control team. She did.......response was no, there is soap and water in the toilets, as I expected!

 

[Levo-Lon]

Just Been to the hygienist, you pay £50 before you go in..

Came out and booked my 6mth appointment.

That's £20 please...wtf , it's a new policy..
So your charging for a booking in 6 months ?
Yes it's our practice managers idea.
So what if I have an accident or die, do you refund it?
I don't make up the policies..
I know but your a low paid worker same as I am and this stinks..

piss taking bastarrd