"I like funny people, tell a joke" she says

montage

God Almighty
Location
Bethlehem
For the first time in a while (relatively speaking), a particuarly good looking young lady approached me at a ball, gave a bit of a chat up and a flirt but we parted ways at the end of the night and that was that. Until last night, where we again found ourselves at the same party. This time round, I showed a little more interest, buttering her up with cheesier comments than you would find in a stilton factory. Anyway, approaching the end of the night, she moves close and comes out with the comment "I like funny people, tell me a joke"....a good attempt to try and suss a guy out I thought, get to know if they have a sense of humour. Now although I am usually more of a black humourist, my head is full of rediculas, brilliant and amazingly jokes - this was bound to be a deal maker.

However, I stalled, maybe it was the cause of a pint to many, but my mind went blank, apart from one, solitary joke.
"Two muffins in an oven, one says ' oh my god it is hot in here'..the other says 'JESUS CHRIST......a talking muffin' "
Deal breaker. I failed the test.

You know who's fault it is? All of yours...with that damn cheesy joke thread, displacing quality jokes in my encyclopedia like brain with rubbish.

Damn you cycle chat.
Damn you.
 

Soltydog

Legendary Member
Location
near Hornsea
Here's one for next time then -
Just wondering if my business idea for glass coffins is going to be a success. Remains to be seen ;)
 

taxing

Well-Known Member
I've got just the joke for the next time this happens: There are two turtles, one looks like this [pull your bottom jaw in] and one like this [jaw out, giving you an underbite]. The second turtle turns to the first turtle and says [do the bottom jaw out face] 'when it rains, do you find that you get a puddle in your mouth?' First turtle says [do the bottom jaw pulled in face] '... nope.'

I'm a girl and it's my favourite joke, so it's a dead cert.
 

gavintc

Guru
Location
Southsea
Glad I am now married and the chance of nookie is not so dependant upon a good joke. Oh well, hope you get another opportunity to practice your quick wit.
 

macp

Guru
Location
Cheshire
Could be worse you could have told the following

Why are elephants wrinkled, well have you ever tried ironing one!!
 

abbie

New Member
Smokin Joe said:
You should have used this one, it's a dead cert for a pull -

"Can I weigh you?"

"Alright then, go on".

Then you grab her norks and go "Whaaaaaay".
I've had this 'told' to me many times, am ashamed to admit I did go on to date one of the 'jokers'

I like the remains to be seen ;)
 
OP
montage

montage

God Almighty
Location
Bethlehem
taxing said:
I've got just the joke for the next time this happens: There are two turtles, one looks like this [pull your bottom jaw in] and one like this [jaw out, giving you an underbite]. The second turtle turns to the first turtle and says [do the bottom jaw out face] 'when it rains, do you find that you get a puddle in your mouth?' First turtle says [do the bottom jaw pulled in face] '... nope.'

I'm a girl and it's my favourite joke, so it's a dead cert.

Do you want me to die lonely or something?
 

Panter

Just call me Chris...
taxing said:
I've got just the joke for the next time this happens: There are two turtles, one looks like this [pull your bottom jaw in] and one like this [jaw out, giving you an underbite]. The second turtle turns to the first turtle and says [do the bottom jaw out face] 'when it rains, do you find that you get a puddle in your mouth?' First turtle says [do the bottom jaw pulled in face] '... nope.'

I'm a girl and it's my favourite joke, so it's a dead cert.
I don't know why but this made me laugh, hard ;)
 

Crankarm

Legendary Member
Location
Nr Cambridge
montage said:
Do you want me to die lonely or something?
Why not do a Yogi impression? You have a bear as your logo so you must like them ......

Perhaps what you should have used was charm spiced with a tad of humour. Did you at least get her phone number?
 

vernon

Harder than Ronnie Pickering
Location
Meanwood, Leeds
iAmiAdam said:
/notes for future reference.

Can't believe you told the muffin joke -.- I wouldn't tell that one to riding friends. :wacko:
I had a dig at it when he posted it originally.

Must be a slow wit....
 
OP
montage

montage

God Almighty
Location
Bethlehem
vernon said:
I had a dig at it when he posted it originally.

Must be a slow wit....
haha, it's become a long running joke with several of my mates. It is possibly one of the worst jokes on the planet, but I find it hilarious because of circumstances etc.

I like Noodley's answer. Usually I can talk the talk (more than I can walk the walk some may add) with a bit of bantar with the ladies - but the fact I told this joke stopped me dead in my tracks.

I guess I'd better prepare the post-operation sympathy lines soon though :tongue: always a silver lining and all that!
 
OP
montage

montage

God Almighty
Location
Bethlehem
Crankarm said:
Why not do a Yogi impression? You have a bear as your logo so you must like them ......

Perhaps what you should have used was charm spiced with a tad of humour. Did you at least get her phone number?[/QUOTE]

This is rarer way to approach things these days....unfortunately it is all about facebook adding which I find rather annoying. An add on facebook means nothing, but a cheeky phone number is a good indication.
 
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