dicko
Guru
- Location
- Derbyshire
Memorable Farts......yours or by others.
- Thread starter Dave7
- Start date
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Electric_Andy
Heavy Metal Fan
- Location
- Plymouth
ooh another one I've just remembered. Me and my partner went up to Penrith once, nearly 8 hours in the car and it was the first time meeting my "MIL". We got there, relaxed, chatted etc. MIL and partner went into the kitchen to make breakfast, leaving me in the (very small) lounge. I hadn't been for a number2 all day and was very bloated. I felt the wind coming so thought, I'll let it out, it's fine, they're in the kitchen. As soon as I let it out, I heard them both coming back to the lounge. What met them was a foul stench that would make a can of Surstrumming jealous. MIL sat down, said "Eugh Andy lad, I can taste that one", and sat down for the next 5 minutes with her dressing gown covering her nose. I was very embarrassed, and to make matters worse, the smell would just not go
Arjimlad
Tights of Cydonia
- Location
- South Glos
Thank you for all contributions which have brightened my afternoon.
Most of my memorable ones were at secondary school : -
Most of my memorable ones were at secondary school : -
- In German I sat by an air intake for the room heater which was next to my chair at bum-level. A toot into the intake propelled the gas through the heater and out across the ceiling, it would descend at the far end of the classroom, to the consternation of everyone at the other end of the room.
- Drama lessons - had us sitting down on the carpet in a big circle. Knees drawn up near my chest and a right old high-pitched tooter slipped out, took the teacher most of the rest of the lesson to get us back under control.
- Those plastic chairs in the assembly hall, after completing a mock exam - I let one out and the plastic back of the chair reverberated and amplified the sound like it does when you let one off whilst sitting on the edge of the bath (highly recommended, btw). If it had been the real exam I would have been ejected in shame.
Badger_Boom
Veteran
- Location
- York
That reminds me of the very earnest chap I saw on Instagram arguing that dogs can't fart audibly because of their anatomy. He has clearly never met our Spaniel who regularly lets rip noisily.
captain nemo1701
Space cadet. Deck 42 Main Engineering.
- Location
- Bristol
I enjoy that pet advert with the big dog blowing off at the end
. My ex used to have a dog that liked to climb onto the bed & get fussed....and drop a fart or two. No mistaking dog farts, part nuclear waste, part mustard gas....
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
And Dicko went on to enjoy a successful policing career.
https://www.getsurrey.co.uk/news/uk-world-news/met-police-officer-faces-sack-31027749
PhotoNic69
Über Member
- Location
- Maximum Security Twilight Home..
Ah! Farts. Sadly that avenue is now closed to me due to my operation and farts are just a memory...
However, having a bag that catches all shoot and farts, I often have to 'burp' the bag to let out excess gas. This can happen anywhere I choose and for some reason gas that comes out of a Stoma smells way, way worse that that from an Anus.
The downside is that I have no control over when a fart happens. No way of clenching a colon. This leads to awkward moments when a loud fart is let off at the most inopportune moments, however it remains odourless.
However, having a bag that catches all shoot and farts, I often have to 'burp' the bag to let out excess gas. This can happen anywhere I choose and for some reason gas that comes out of a Stoma smells way, way worse that that from an Anus.
The downside is that I have no control over when a fart happens. No way of clenching a colon. This leads to awkward moments when a loud fart is let off at the most inopportune moments, however it remains odourless.
Electric_Andy
Heavy Metal Fan
- Location
- Plymouth
I was once walking around school with my mate Jon, and a boy nearby farted. The other 2 of us made "eurgh" noises, when Jon calmly said "just think - we're breathing in air that's been up his arse"
captain nemo1701
Space cadet. Deck 42 Main Engineering.
- Location
- Bristol
A mate of mine and I have been 'trekkies' most of our lives. If one drops a particularly pungent effort the phrase is usually 'shields up!' (T shirt pulled over nose) or 'get us out of here....maximum warp!.' If it clears a room, its a 'warp core breach'
Hover Fly
He, him, his
- Location
- Besides the lake, beneath the trees
This very morning, a train round the Cumbria coast, about to leave Millom, the conductor sends the usual double buzz, which was followed, with impeccable timing, by a double buzz from @Moon bunny ‘s bottom buzzer, gales of laughs from all in earshot, I really think she should have stood up and bowed after that tour de fart.
Hover Fly
He, him, his
- Location
- Besides the lake, beneath the trees
I was wondering, would it be possible to use a remote infrared thermometer to detect the lingering warm air hanging around the guilty person, thus removing all doubt as to the culprit?
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Cyclechat has certainly come along. About a decade back I got a gentle spanking for posting a picture of mildly soiled Y fronts, and 10 years later we've 5 pages of flatulence discussion.
If this trajectory continues I predict that in another 10 years we'll have an "I met Bonnie Blue last night and this is what we did in sordid detail" thread.
If this trajectory continues I predict that in another 10 years we'll have an "I met Bonnie Blue last night and this is what we did in sordid detail" thread.
HLaB
Marie Attoinette Fan
To be fair though, I'd rather be in a room full of CC's finest's farts than see a picture of your Y-fronts.
