My friend is a bastard.........

[magnatom]

Nuke him from space, its the only way to be sure...

I hope he doesn't live near me then!

 

[Arch]

Wait until he's gone to his work, break into the house and spread a can of anchovies on the sofa. Then torch the sofa. And his house. Go to his place of work and shoot all his workmates. Round up all of his friends and kill them. Round up all his family and kill them. Kill his dog. Drive a steam roller over his car. Kill the guy who runs the shop where he buys the papers and milk.
Them cut off his arms and feet. Put out his eyes and tear out his tongue. That should just about show him that you are not to be messed with.

That's all well and good, PC, but there's a flaw in the plan, from my frugal point of view. If you're going to torch the sofa anyway, you're wasting a perfectly good tin of anchovies.

You could have them on a pizza instead.

 

[goo_mason]

Well, well, well: Chads and didcots eh?
My bastard friend is single, self-employed and lives three hundred and sixty six miles away.
Please keep the suggestions for my revenge coming!

A turd in a jiffy bag ? Should be lovely and ripe by the time your friend receives it...

 

[longers]

This reminds me of our cleaner at work going apeshit last year. My supervisor got married and sent invitations to all 25 of us at work with confetti inside each card. She wasn't happy.

 

[papercorn2000]

That's all well and good, PC, but there's a flaw in the plan, from my frugal point of view. If you're going to torch the sofa anyway, you're wasting a perfectly good tin of anchovies.

You could have them on a pizza instead.

True, but I tend to be quite exravagant. You could possibly compromise and use the jaggy tin lid to slash his face to ribbons.