School Bullies

[classic33]

This is easy say when your typing it on a computer.
I feel that the person being bullied needs to make the one stand for themselves. Bullies will always move on if they realise that the person they are picking on is willing to "return the complement".

It nearly always is a case of "my kid)s) woudn't/couldn't do that, they know better". Well I'm afraid to say it but that is exactly how some kids behave when their parents are not around. Its not always a case of "rebellion" either. They are doing it simply because they can & know there is very little chance that anything will be done against them. Because "they don't do that type of thing". Bullies are devious & manipulative. They can get others to do their work from a safe distance, so they have no direct involvment should the person being bullied be asked to account for who did what.

The last time at school anyone tried picking on me was the third year. I ended up being pulled of him by his mates, because he was losing. I'd been shaking his head by the ears. His first act on getting up was a kick to the head.Something for which he received 12 of the strap. Six from the year head, six from the headmaster. Then again so did I.

But from what has been said, the parents of the kid being bullied are right. They are willing to believe what is happenning(its not the kid making the story up). They are also willing to back the kid up. Why the school refuses to believe that its happenning could be down to simply not wanting to acknowledge the problem & therefore have to do something about it, officially.

As fot the bullying by mobile

 

[ASC1951]

It's depressing how many people here suggest violence as the solution to every problem, preferably extreme violence.

 

[Andrew_Culture]

I wasn't making a judgement, I was bullied and on the receiving end of violence for being gay for years, and it ended up forming a part of the reason I moved out of the village at 18. I can't say for sure I wouldn't exact revenge given the opportunity.

It's an irrelevance that I'm not gay, I didn't see my sexuality as anyone else's business.

 

[classic33]

It's depressing how many people here suggest violence as the solution to every problem, preferably extreme violence.

Its not always the answer, however it is at times the only language that some seem able to understand. To be beaten, so that you're bruised all over is something you would need to experience before you pass comment on the actions of someone else.
Often, its the only means of getting them to realise that you are no longer a soft target. That you have had enough.

Its not the only way though. Fear that you may do something (something unexpected) can often be quicker at stopping it. They don't like having to keep an eye out for you as it prevents them from doing anything.

 

[Andrew_P]

Sometimes attack is the best form defence, but often all it leads too is an increase in force or numbers from the bully/bullies

 

[mr_hippo]

Sometimes attack is the best form defence,,,

At the age of 11, i was already 6 foot tall, my bully was about 9 inches smaller. If I had hit him then I would have been classified as the bully so what could I have done?

 

[asterix]

Possibly, but it depends on your 'experience' and how much it affected/traumatised you, I suppose.

I can remember people who gave me a hard time both as juvenile and adult. For over 5 years I worked for a boss who made my life as hard as possible and I stuck it out because I wasn't going to let them win. Eventually I just got moved to another team and later,when I heard they died young of cancer I didn't jump for joy, the news gave me no pleasure.

 

[subaqua]

At the age of 11, i was already 6 foot tall, my bully was about 9 inches smaller. If I had hit him then I would have been classified as the bully so what could I have done?

i can understand that point of view. that always went through my mind and was one ofthe reasons i didn't fight back until well into secondary when the sizes evened up. even then i was still 3 inches taller than anybody else

 

[classic33]

[QUOTE 1925462, member: 76"]When I was younger I was actually 'invited' to meet a school bully round the back of the squash courts, only I emerged after a few minutes, much to the surprise of his 'gang'. So, they all jumped me and I got a right kicking, a proper good one, broken hand, numerous cuts and bruises. I got them all back one at a time, the last one about 9 years after we had left school while on leave from the Army. It was very cathartic, I cornered him in the toilets of a pub, he was pretty much begging me not to do anything, he even said he had been expecting it and worrying about it for nearly 11 years, which was quite pleasing. He definitely got the worst hiding, I was fit, strong, pumped and had 9 years training, he had drunk and worked in a chicken factory for 9 years! To be honest I would have gone through them all again..... and again and again, they are all scum.[/quote]

See the fear that you may do something can be effective. 11 years woorying about what you might do to him.

You'll have tied him in a few different knots I assume.

 

[summerdays]

The side kicks may not actually be that bad .... at primary the girl who was the "Master bully" in my daughter's class seemed to be able to get the other kids (girls and boys) to do a lot of her dirty work for her. In reality when they weren't around her they were absolutely fine. Maybe the new school will take steps to make sure they are all separated in the start of term and you start knowing that the school know about the type of person he is.

I would work on making sure that he has a great start to secondary school and settles down and makes some good friends. I don't think it is worth sitting down with the family - if I was in that situation on either side I wouldn't have the foggiest what to say that would help the situation to move forward in a positive way.

 

[mr_hippo]

I come from an age where we first learned to write on slates - no joke, there was a paper shortage - mobiles phones and computers were science fiction. The only bit of technology that we had came from a Chinese company called Apple of China, it was the latest i-abacus and it had many different coloured beads, it was wonderful!.
Mobile phones - hasn't anyone yet invented a mobile phone zapper? Turn it on and it will block all mobile signals within a certain area. There will be solutions to any problems that may arise like interference with fire alarm and burglar alarm settings and PA systems.
Is there a system in the UK whereby a child's mobile is only capable of making or receiving calls to and from certain numbers? I know that phones can be unlocked but if you check your child's mobile frequently and if there are any unautorised number then confiscate the phone for a period of time, If it happens again, confiscate for a longer period and a third time - that is it - no more mobile phone.
I am not a fan of social network websites but surely parents monitor their kid's use or should do..

 

[Andrew_Culture]

Phone signal blockers do exist but they are illegal. I have vague (possibly false) memories of them being popular on commuter trains about ten years ago.

 

[shouldbeinbed]

Re letting the board of governors know, find out who the governor co-ordinator is at you local council and ask if you can get a letter to each governor at the school to ensure any letter to the chair isnt "filtered".
This will also ensure that the matter is brought to the table at the next meeting.

Bullying should and must not be allowed to happen.

I'm an ex chair of governors and had several such incidents to deal with - please ignore the above advice, such a letter would be a very bad idea and could well seriously undermine whatever you try and do to sort this out.


This could be considered abuse of process: there will be bullying and complaints procedures in your school, legal requirement and they are public documents, as a parent, if you ask for a copy of them, the school has no right whatsoever to stop you having them. These are procedures drawn up by school, or usually generic local authority ones, that the School is bound by and that the Governing Body will have seen and ratified, they will have to stick to in any relevant complaint. I will bet you both of my kidneys that the first action is not bombard every governor with their own letter of complaint. The usual escalation if not satisfactorily resolved is Class Teacher - Head - Chair of Governors, who then raises it in anonymous terms at the next GB meeting and puts 2 committees together, one to hear the complaint and decide on the appropriate solution and an appeals panel should either side wish to challenge the result.
If you've blasted all of the governors with one side of the story in advance, you leave yourself totally open to accusations of witch-hunting, seeking to create bias, providing advance prejudicial knowledge against the other side and accusations of tainted governors being unable to provide an impartial decision (in governance what counts as tainted prior to sitting down on something like this is a huge grey area it is best left to the nominated people in the 'chain of command' to do their bits properly - The first thing and half decent chair would do would be take the policies and get on the phone to the Local Authority Governor services section and discuss with people who see this sort of stuff all the tim how best to go about it)

Unfortunately you do get noddy dog governors burt scrutiny etc is much higher now and they cant get away with a pat on the head and a chocolate digestive once a month anymore.

You could still contact the Local Authority governor services/education department for any generic guidance the authority issues to all schools - keep it broad brush, don't name names at this stage - they will be where you would need to go as Ombudsman if you do thing the Governors are tucked up in the head's pocket and the head doesn't want to face up to such a thing being possible in their school Also make reference to that fact that you do not rule out contacting Ofsted if the bullying continues or you do not get suitable apology/ressurance other kids won't suffer as yours has done. Ofsted should act as a strong laxative to the head and governors.

 

[TonyEnjoyD]

I'm an ex chair of governors and had several such incidents to deal with - please ignore the above advice, such a letter would be a very bad idea and could well seriously undermine whatever you try and do to sort this out.

In all due respect, I have seen bullying brushed under the carpet a number of times, usually by manipulative heads who coerce the parent into their "dealing" with the matter.
This is usually becuase they want to avoind being flagged by the LA and/or Ofsted. Just the same as instances where teachers that are not up to standard are hived out and replaced by peripatetics during an Ofsted.

I am a firm believer of, if you can't get what you want from someone to your satisfaction and have exhausted reasonable avenues, go over their head.

We will no doubt agree to disagree on this.

 

[Cubist]

i can understand that point of view. that always went through my mind and was one ofthe reasons i didn't fight back until well into secondary when the sizes evened up. even then i was still 3 inches taller than anybody else

It took me a long time to persuade my lad not to just sit and take it. Some even played on the fact he was worried he would get into trouble if he fought back. Idiots who thought it was funny to hit the big guy learned pretty quickly once he stopped turning the other cheek. He now does all he can to stop others being bullied, and is avoided by the yr 10 and 11 "bad men"