accountantpete
OAP
In order to counter threats of invasion the Prime Minister of Denmark has appointed Ross Kemp as Special Envoy to Greenland
True Facts About Ross Kemp
- Thread starter Drago
- Start date
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OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Reports of a well built bald man wearing a leather jacket and leopard print thong seen running from the scene of an explosion that killed a Russian General this week are nothing to do with Ross Kemp, honest guv.
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Ross Kemp wraps the family Christmas presents in rolled up rugs for thet east end hard man gang feel.
accountantpete
OAP
Climate scientists trying to work out why Britain's climate is warming have obviously overlooked Ross Kemp's newly installed Olympic Swimming pool-sized jacuzzi
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Scientists are urging Ross Kemp to not flush the lavvy at the Queen Vice after the next curry night for fear that the resulting effluent will interrupt the Gulf Stream and plunge the UK into a glacial winter.
This wouldn't be so bad, but Dennis Quaid wont rescue us since his falling out with Kemp over an unpaid bar tab.
This wouldn't be so bad, but Dennis Quaid wont rescue us since his falling out with Kemp over an unpaid bar tab.
Ming the Merciless
There is no mercy
- Location
- Inside my skull
Ross is always generous this time of year. He has bought a fellow east end hard man some concrete slippers for Christmas.
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
The Walford flyover has slumped by over 5 feet in height as the many bodies deposited in the structural concrete by Ross Kemp are starting to decompose.
DRM
Guru
- Location
- West Yorks
Ross Kemp was hoping to get the keys to the Turdis & Time Transit, however for the sake of all humanity, Chris Rea always kept them very well hidden.
DRM
Guru
- Location
- West Yorks
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c5yde5p9kw9o
The Andrew, formally known as a Prince has given up his gun licence, after The Metropolitan Police requested he did so, what they neglect to say in the report was that the request was an "offer he couldn't refuse" as Ross Kemp went round to collect it!
The Andrew, formally known as a Prince has given up his gun licence, after The Metropolitan Police requested he did so, what they neglect to say in the report was that the request was an "offer he couldn't refuse" as Ross Kemp went round to collect it!
accountantpete
OAP
Ross Kemp will be cast as the Ross character in the upcoming Inappropriate Friends sitcom.
Mad Doug Biker
Banned from every bar in the Galaxy
- Location
- Craggy Island
Due to a gross error of calculations, most of Russia's nukes, if launched, would head straight towards the Queen Vic (no, not for a drink).
Fortunately (or unfortunately more like) Ross Kemp, on hearing the 4 minute warning, will sit on the roof and stare them all down.
Fortunately (or unfortunately more like) Ross Kemp, on hearing the 4 minute warning, will sit on the roof and stare them all down.
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Ming the Merciless
There is no mercy
- Location
- Inside my skull
Ross has been caught on video, during a drunken prank on a recent holiday.
DRM
Guru
- Location
- West Yorks
Word on the street says, Ross Kemp will be able to catch the Russian Missiles, and accurately throw them back at the Kremlin!
DRM
Guru
- Location
- West Yorks
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/videos/c8dy3772m1lo
Ross Kemp had a close shave with the Sheriff of Fulton County, Ohio, whilst on his way back from auditioning as the lead in "Terminator, Santa Strikes Back", as he wanted the role badly he decided not to head butt the Sheriff, and take the ticking off instead, it is hoped the film will be released in time for Xmas 2027.
Ross Kemp had a close shave with the Sheriff of Fulton County, Ohio, whilst on his way back from auditioning as the lead in "Terminator, Santa Strikes Back", as he wanted the role badly he decided not to head butt the Sheriff, and take the ticking off instead, it is hoped the film will be released in time for Xmas 2027.
