True Facts About Ross Kemp

[accountantpete]

Opening Day 21 of the Ross Kemp Advent Calendar reveals ... a photo of Field Marshal Haig .

 

[Dogtrousers]

Opening Day 21 of the Ross Kemp Advent Calendar reveals ... a photo of Field Marshal Haig .

Really?

Mine just has the same picture of Ross Kemp every day, with the festive motto: "What you looking at, ponce?"

 

[DRM]

Really?

Mine just has the same picture of Ross Kemp every day, with the festive motto: "What you looking at, ponce?"

Wait while you get to the door for the 25th December, just steel yourself, that's all I'm saying

 

[Ming the Merciless]

KP nuts have revealed their new photo card on which the bags are mounted in pubs. As bags are bought they reveal ever more of Ross. It is proving a big hit with the ladies.

 

[Drago]

When Ian Beale was in prison he defended himself with an improvised weapon made from a sock with Ross Kemp inside.

 

[stephec]

Hoping that there's no connection between having a thread on here and dying, Ross Kemp has been heard to say, 'if that grim reaper comes anywhere near me he's getting that scythe shoved where the sun don't shine.'

The grim reaper was unavailable for comment, and it's believed that he's gone in to hiding.

 

[Drago]

Following the sad demise of Chris Rea, and Ross Kemps sudden hypochondria, its rumoured Shaun has been offered £1 million by the BBC to allow a "True Facts About David Walliams" thread on the forum.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Ross has now offered some of the Matts Brink Bullion for the same thread.

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp claims that he hadn't seen the "faulty - do not flush" sign at the canalside khazi in Shropshire today...

 

[DRM]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cj9ydve2kz7o
Ross Kemp denies tipping cooking fat down the kitchen sink of The Queen Vice, yet for all the tonnes of Burgers, Chips & Kebabs that are sold most nights, no one has ever seen the waste cooking oil be collected for recycling, Thames Water have decided that discretion is the better part of valour, and are looking for a sub contractor gullible enough to go round and prosecute Ross Kemp for the monstrous East End Fat Berg

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cq8d1wy4593o
After his previous HGV Driving disaster in Europe, involving a level crossing & an express train, Ross Kemp has managed to wangle a new position at a different company, on only his second trip he was sent up to Scotland, but it all ended in tears when he decided to overnight on the harbour, at Methil, Fife, he had nipped out to get a Fish Supper, complete with Salt & Sauce, and, on his arrival back to his truck, he put the fish supper on top of the night heater to warm it up a bit, but sadly he nodded off and only woke up coughing, with stinging eyes in a cab full of black smoke, luckily he made his escape through a hole in the fence, and decided to keep out of the way when the Fire Service arrived to deal with the ensuing inferno, Police Scotland are looking for a shaven headed Sassenach, in a leather jacket, Ross Kemp was last spotted on the A1 thumbing a lift, just north of Alnwick.

Ross Kemp was standing in for Chris Rea at the time, who instead of driving home (for Christmas), was unwell...

Following the sad demise of Chris Rea,

... Do you think he's 'Home', yet?

 

[PeteXXX]

Ross Kemp got 9 'O' levels but has never divulged what they are. 🚸

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Ross Kemp got 9 'O' levels but has never divulged what they are. 🚸

Home Economics. All 9 of them.

Even at that age, everyone knew not to say a thing about it, even if he was referred to as 'Rossina Kemp' in the staff room.

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp thinks trans-fat is a gender.

 

[Drago]

Following the sad passing of time travelling crooner, Chris Rea, record companies have been on the lookout for another sleb to release a ubiquitous Christmas song.

The double A side Blagging Banks for Christmas and Little Drummer Ponce by Ross Kemp will be on sale in March 2026, just in time fornthe pre christmas marketing boom.