cyberknight
As long as I breathe, I attack.
- Location
- Land of confusion
enough about your personal fantasises
True Facts About Ross Kemp
- Thread starter Drago
- Start date
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enough about your personal fantasises
Mad Doug Biker
Banned from every bar in the Galaxy
- Location
- Craggy Island
raleighnut
Legendary Member
- Location
- One of the 'Elite'
Ross Kemp has been keeping cool in these recent warm spells by wearing crotchless Kamiknickers.
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
The courts have decreed that Steve McFadden is a banned breed and must wear a muzzle when Ross Kemp walks him in public.
accountantpete
OAP
Ross Kemp is a scaly 9 on the David Ike register of reptillian shape-shifters
- Location
- Inside my skull
On a particularly cold day while embedded with a polar expedition, he forgot his thermals. He simply hugged a glacier until it apologized for being so cold, then used its tears to make a hot cup of tea.
- Location
- Inside my skull
He once challenged a great white shark to an arm-wrestling match. The shark, not wanting to risk the humiliation of a public defeat, promptly swam away and became a vegetarian.
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
David Icke is a huge Ross Kemp fan, but before he can wear the coveted leather jacket he must prove his worth at every level along the way.
Sadly Icke has proven to be so hopeless he has been stuck on Shell Suit for 3 decades while Kemp refuses to promote him through the ranks to leather via Crombie, Camel hair coat, and kimono.
Sadly Icke has proven to be so hopeless he has been stuck on Shell Suit for 3 decades while Kemp refuses to promote him through the ranks to leather via Crombie, Camel hair coat, and kimono.
raleighnut
Legendary Member
- Location
- One of the 'Elite'
Ross Kemp's favourite 'Panto' role is Widow tWanky.
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
The much anticipated remake of The Fly starting Ross Kemp has been scrapped.
Having a man/fly hybrid growling 'are you calling me a ponce?' before puking acidic vomit on his victims was seen as too far fetched.
In addition, Ross' insistence that the fly that becomes trapped in his teloport machine be seen wearing a leather jacket was seen as impractical.
Having a man/fly hybrid growling 'are you calling me a ponce?' before puking acidic vomit on his victims was seen as too far fetched.
In addition, Ross' insistence that the fly that becomes trapped in his teloport machine be seen wearing a leather jacket was seen as impractical.
- Location
- Inside my skull
Ross Kemp encountered 5 grizzy bears in the woods when visiting Yellowstone. The encounter lead to the phrase ”Do bears shoot in the woods”
accountantpete
OAP
In the Ross Kemp remake of Titanic the iceberg sank
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Ross Kemp's leather jackets are made from the skins of his vanquished enemies.
Moon bunny
Judging your grammar
- Location
- Basking in my own brilliance.
Ross Kemp never goes anywhere without his emotional support hamster.
lazybloke
Ginger biscuits and cheddar
- Location
- Leafy Surrey
Ross Kemp is now saddled with a 5 year contract as the face of "The Bidet Store".
He has sacked his agent.
He has sacked his agent.
