True Facts About Ross Kemp

[DRM]

In early 2020, Ross Kemp became infected with Covid 19, however, it only took 10 minutes for him to infect the virus with Kemp 20, thus scientists were able to work out when Covid 19 would eventually become less virulent due being mashed to a pulp by Kemp 20

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp is an avid blood donor, and lucky recipients soon develop bald heads and a penchant for tight leather jackets. Even the women.

 

[teeonethousand]

Ross Kemp is an avid blood donor, and lucky recipients soon develop bald heads and a penchant for tight leather jackets. Even the women.

I think I've had some...that would explain it.

 

[Drago]

The aurora borealis is caused by halogen headlamps reflecting and refracting off Ross Kemp's bald head. Hence more common in the north where no one yet has LED headlamps.

 

[cyberknight]

Ross Kemp loves kebabs so much he sleeps on a slowly revolving spit while Steve McFadden ladels hot sauce over him.

enough about your personal fantasises

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

enough about your personal fantasises

No, no, go on @Drago, I am weirdly curious now! 🤔🤣

 

[raleighnut]

Ross Kemp has been keeping cool in these recent warm spells by wearing crotchless Kamiknickers.

 

[Drago]

The courts have decreed that Steve McFadden is a banned breed and must wear a muzzle when Ross Kemp walks him in public.

 

[accountantpete]

Ross Kemp is a scaly 9 on the David Ike register of reptillian shape-shifters

 

[Ming the Merciless]

On a particularly cold day while embedded with a polar expedition, he forgot his thermals. He simply hugged a glacier until it apologized for being so cold, then used its tears to make a hot cup of tea.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

He once challenged a great white shark to an arm-wrestling match. The shark, not wanting to risk the humiliation of a public defeat, promptly swam away and became a vegetarian.

 

[Drago]

David Icke is a huge Ross Kemp fan, but before he can wear the coveted leather jacket he must prove his worth at every level along the way.

Sadly Icke has proven to be so hopeless he has been stuck on Shell Suit for 3 decades while Kemp refuses to promote him through the ranks to leather via Crombie, Camel hair coat, and kimono.

 

[raleighnut]

Ross Kemp's favourite 'Panto' role is Widow tWanky.

 

[Drago]

The much anticipated remake of The Fly starting Ross Kemp has been scrapped.

Having a man/fly hybrid growling 'are you calling me a ponce?' before puking acidic vomit on his victims was seen as too far fetched.

In addition, Ross' insistence that the fly that becomes trapped in his teloport machine be seen wearing a leather jacket was seen as impractical.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Ross Kemp encountered 5 grizzy bears in the woods when visiting Yellowstone. The encounter lead to the phrase ”Do bears shoot in the woods”