True Facts About Ross Kemp

[Drago]

Orson Welles has been signed to play the leading role in the forthcoming Ross Kemp biopic, "The Beast of Brick Lane."

Kemp imposed one condition if Welles was to be granted the job - he had to change his name to Awesome Smells.

 

[Drago]

The new Mike Oldfiled opus, Leather Jackets, is dedicated to his good friend and legitimate business partner Ross Kemp.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Ross Kemp is scared of pigeons.

And moths

 

[Drago]

Potential customers have to prove to staff that they are a certified meathead before they are allowed to purchase a garment from the Ross Kemp leather jacket range.

Acceptable proof includes parachute regiment tattoos, wanted posters, or an invitation for staff to "hit me in the stomach."

 

[accountantpete]

Donald Trump's Presidential car "The Beast" has to be re-named "Mr Cuddly" when it carries Ross Kemp in order to avoid confusion.

 

[stephec]

When Ross Kemp farts he has to give the local fire brigade at least two hours notice.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

When it comes to leather jackets, there is only one person harder than Ross Kemp (yes, despite everything, it's true!).

This is a guy who wears a leather bomber jacket and has seen more in a lifetime than anyone should ever see.

Who am I talking about?

Why, Charlie Fairhead of Holby General A&E of course!!

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

... Can we have 'True facts about Charlie Fairhead' next please?

Thanks

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

... Either that or George Green from London's Burning 🤣

 

[accountantpete]

... Can we have 'True facts about Charlie Fairhead' next please?

Thanks

Some of us would prefer the true facts about Holly Goodhead

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Some of us would prefer the true facts about Holly Goodhead

Meh

 

[accountantpete]

Ross kemp is "ambidextrous"

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

He's amphibious too...

Anyway, Ross Kemp wrote the international bestseller...

'The Taxidermy Of Children'.

... He's helped many a struggling patent/guardian over the years!

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp has a star on the sidewalk in Hollywood, but instead of a hand prints he simply punched his knuckles into the dry concrete.

 

[DRM]

Ross Kemp has a star on the sidewalk in Hollywood, but instead of a hand prints he simply punched his knuckles into the dry concrete.

Blimey, that Avatar, I nearly spat my tea out!