True Facts About Ross Kemp

[Drago]

Following a recent incident where a member of the public was slightly injured, the court has ordered Ross Kemp to walk Steve McFadden with a muzzle.

 

[Drago]

A percentage of the tv licence fee goes to Ross Kemp as protection money. Every time they miss a payment Kemp outs another pervert.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Ross Kemp is to be the new face of international snooker. Quite literally.

In a deal negotiated by Ian Beale, the TV coverage of the snooker will be AI-manipulated so that all of the balls appear as little Ross Kemp heads. Whenever the cue ball hits another ball it will shout "'ave it!" and whenever a ball disappears down a pocket it will shout "get in!".

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp forces Ian Beale to give him a foot massage.

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp is about to launch a new range of JML branded Ian Beale themed toilet brushes.

 

[Moon bunny]

And moths

Au contraire! He has a large Lepidopterarium, where he keeps 3000 different species, including a breeding colony of Atlas moths, along with many other large Asian species, being in the enclosure with them at dusk, with his prized Luna moths flying, is simply magical.

 

[Moon bunny]

He's amphibious too...

Anyway, Ross Kemp wrote the international bestseller...

'The Taxidermy Of Children'.

... He's helped many a struggling patent/guardian over the years!

I can’t find it on Amazon, nor Abe books.

 

[Drago]

The London planetarium was made from a mould taken of Ross Kemps head.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Ross is so tough that when he gives blood, they have to use a pile - driver just to get the canula in

 

[Drago]

Its true to aay that Ross Kemp has become a little bit overweight of late.

This was picked up by his GP, who noticed on a recent test that Kemp's blood type is Ragu+.

 

[accountantpete]

Donald Trump has replaced the bust of Winston Churchill in the Oval Office with a more tasteful one of Ross Kemp giving the bird

 

[Dogtrousers]

Ross Kemp is Chris Rea's biggest fan.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Au contraire! He has a large Lepidopterarium, where he keeps 3000 different species, including a breeding colony of Atlas moths, along with many other large Asian species, being in the enclosure with them at dusk, with his prized Luna moths flying, is simply magical.

Sorry, that was a typo. I meant months. Ross Kemp is afraid of months. He always dreads the end of one month and the start of the next, and always gets March and May confused.

He loves moths, obviously.

 

[accountantpete]

The French Foreign Legion once ran away and joined Ross Kemp.

 

[Drago]

When police officers approach Ross Kemp they say "we have the right to remain silent"