True Facts About Ross Kemp

[ebikeerwidnes]

Ross Kemp has been to Venezuela on a pub crawl.

While staggering between pubs in Caracas a chap stuck his head out the window and had the temerity to ask Kemp to stop singing derogatory songs about ARSEnal.

Engraged, Kemp kicked in the chaps door and nutted the fellow unconscious, before deciding it would be great fun to abduct him and leave him handcuffed naked to a lamp post with his testicles painted in West Ham colours.

Once sober, Kemp realised what he'd done and phoned his old mate Don the Porn Star Shagger, who arranged for the El Presidente to be whisked away and for Kemp to be given honorary Delta Force membership.

I think you mis-typed that

Ross graciously gave Delta force membership of his fan club - not the other way round
easy mistake to make

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp is to be the new El Presidente of Venzuela.

 

[matticus]

They repeated his "Extras" episode last night. A great reminder that Kemp is perhaps England's FINEST actor, but doesn't generally brag about this.
SOOOO good that he convincingly portrayed serious fear of ACTUAL hard-man Vinnie Jones. I was totally convinced

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Ross Kemp doesn’t use a snowplow, he just has a good curry.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Samurai sharpen their blades on Ross Kemp’s bonce.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Ross Kemp's most dangerous fighting move was taught to him, on an oath of secrecy, by Barbara Windsor. She in turn learned it from Bernard Bresslaw.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Bernard Bresslaw learned it from the daughter of Bruce Lee and Muhammad Ali.

 

[Drago]

Jake Paul has been offered $1 billion to fight Ross Kemp, but refuses to sign on.

 

[DRM]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cn0y8rreq2do
Ross Kemp has deemed his incognito trip to Lincolnshire a complete success, after his specially trained Guard Foxes destroyed a snowman, ripping it to shreds in minutes, he is quoted as saying, "Woe betide anyone who breaks into the Queen Vice now Basil & Sybil are on duty"

 

[Drago]

The residents of Greenland have started paying Ross Kemp protection money.

 

[accountantpete]

Ross

The residents of Greenland have started paying Ross Kemp protection money.

Ross has asked to be paid in pints of Jenkins' lager at the Queen Vice

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Ross is so hard, he has gone out in the 0.5mm of snow falling, and not put a beanie on 😮

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp is extremely unhappy. The empty oil tanker hed hired to take away the bar tray slops at the Queen Vice has been seized by the US Coastguard.

In his rage Kemp phoned Michael Fish and demanded that England be blanketed in snow onnthe basis that if henis having a bad day then everyone is having a bad day.

Meanwhile, Donald Trump is so frightened of a Kemp backlash hes desperately trying to escape to the wilds of Greenland and go into hiding there. However, the last thing the Danes want is an angry Ross Kemp laying waste to then island and theyre desperately trying to dissuade The Donald from visiting.

 

[ebikeerwidnes]

Ross Kemp is extremely unhappy. The empty oil tanker hed hired to take away the bar tray slops at the Queen Vice has been seized by the US Coastguard.

In his rage Kemp phoned Michael Fish and demanded that England be blanketed in snow onnthe basis that if henis having a bad day then everyone is having a bad day.

Meanwhile, Donald Trump is so frightened of a Kemp backlash hes desperately trying to escape to the wilds of Greenland and go into hiding there. However, the last thing the Danes want is an angry Ross Kemp laying waste to then island and theyre desperately trying to dissuade The Donald from visiting.

Thanks

I have been watching the news and now it finally makes sense!!!

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Ross Kemp has just been enjoying a curry on a ship off the coast of Cornwall. Next he’s heading to Yorkshire for an ice cream dessert.