Uncle Drago's agony column

[Edwardoka]

I am on the run in the UK where should I hide next?

North Sentinel Island?

(Edit: Too soon? Probably too soon.)
(Second edit: This is unnecessarily mean of me. It wasn't intended as an attack on YukonBoy, it was a reference to the other thread about the Sentinelese. Sorry.)

 

[Salad Dodger]

Dear Aunty Daphne

My marigolds haven't come up again this year - this is the third year in a row that they've failed to put in an appearance. What am I doing wrong? Is it the lack of organic wagyu muck, or the 4 inches of concrete that my wife had laid in the garden in preparation for our new patio?

Yours

Cecil Smythington-Smithers-Cummudgeonly (RHs)(FoRIOA)(MBNA)(TSB)(NHS)

Did you plant them with the fingers and thumbs pointing downwards? If so, they fill up with water and can't ride to the surface. Plant them with the fingers pointing upwards. For added effect, gold the third and fourth fingers over the thumb, so they emerge giving you a V sign!

 

[Ming the Merciless]

In any record shop that is selling Cliff Richard's new album - guaranteed to be deserted.

Cliff is driving me crazy, it is not farking Christmas time, where should I go next!

 

[Drago]

Cliff is driving me crazy, it is not farking Christmas time, where should I go next!

If you're not very old you're safe hiding round Cliffs house. After all, the young ones shouldn't be afraid.

 

[Slow But Determined]

What happens to the Ferrero Rocher factory when it isn't Christmas?

 

[Ming the Merciless]

If you're not very old you're safe hiding round Cliffs house. After all, the young ones shouldn't be afraid.

It is surrounded by the BBC camera crews. Got another suggestion?

 

[Drago]

Disguise yourself as a communist and hide round Jeremy Corbyns house. He'll simply think you've been there since 1958.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

What does a communist look like? I am down the fancy dress shop at the moment.

 

[MikeG]

Chairman Mao.

 

[Drago]

Communists, also known as Democrats or Liberals, are easy to spot. Long hair, greasy unkempt beard, plain khaki fatigues, AK47, and a look of fanatical zeal in their eyes.

 

[Cuchilo]

What happens to the Ferrero Rocher factory when it isn't Christmas?

I think they make heads for action men .

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Chairman Mao.

Should I then hide in a Chinese?

 

[MikeG]

Should I then hide in a Chinese?

That could get a bit messy. And besides, think of all the mono-sodium glutomate.

 

[Drago]

Should I then hide in a Chinese?

So long as you ask her permission first.

 

[raleighnut]

What does a communist look like? I am down the fancy dress shop at the moment.