He's spotted your palm tree...
Uncle Drago's agony column
- Thread starter Drago
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He's spotted your palm tree...
Dear Uncle Drago,
I peered out the window this morning and was witness to the bizarre spectacle of drivists clearing ice from their windscreens.
Is it that humans are incapable of forethought and spending 15 seconds of an evening putting a cover over the windscreen is less preferable to spending 15 minutes of a morning clearing it of ice so that they can drive their sproggen to school in their slippers?
Or is it that those covers which are available are so incapable of fulfilling their raison d'etre as to be worthless, and materials science has yet to come up with a system for defeating an atmospheric phenomenon that has been directly observable in cold climes since the invention of glass?
Yours despairingly,
Dan the Dagger Man from Dagenham
I peered out the window this morning and was witness to the bizarre spectacle of drivists clearing ice from their windscreens.
Is it that humans are incapable of forethought and spending 15 seconds of an evening putting a cover over the windscreen is less preferable to spending 15 minutes of a morning clearing it of ice so that they can drive their sproggen to school in their slippers?
Or is it that those covers which are available are so incapable of fulfilling their raison d'etre as to be worthless, and materials science has yet to come up with a system for defeating an atmospheric phenomenon that has been directly observable in cold climes since the invention of glass?
Yours despairingly,
Dan the Dagger Man from Dagenham
classic33
Leg End Member
He can have them back, anytime he wants them.
OP
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
This is a regressive form of evolution, Utterly Narcissis Twottishinessessis. The side effect of this is to compell people to park their second most valuable possession outdoors in the weather where they think other sufferers can admire it, while they fill their garages with worthless crap that would be better off in a skip. Alas, other suffers think they are prats and couldn't care less.
There is no cure. The only tactic is to exercise your common sense gene before and keep it strong, else it will be bred out of your bloodline.
classic33
Leg End Member
Dan the Daggerman, ignore the piece in bold as some are known to keep bicycles in there, away from prying eyes.
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
With determination and a superior intellect, a garage can be home to both.
raleighnut
Legendary Member
- Location
- One of the 'Elite'
Andy in Germany
Guru
- Location
- Freiburg im Breisgau
Dear Uncle Drago.
If you've been invited to a work Christmas Outing at the Christmas Market in Stuttgart and you are an extreme introvert, is it socially acceptable to fake your own death in order to avoid it?
If not, what other strategies do you suggest?
If you've been invited to a work Christmas Outing at the Christmas Market in Stuttgart and you are an extreme introvert, is it socially acceptable to fake your own death in order to avoid it?
If not, what other strategies do you suggest?
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Dear Herr Andreas,
Faking your own death is a bit extreme. I woukd suggest starving yourselves and pretending to be in the terminal stages of Aids, and thus too ill to attend. While everyone else is at the Christmas market you can gorge yourself in takeaway, and pretend that the incompetent doctor had confused your haemhorroid symptoms for Aids and had misdiagnosed you.
Perfect, eh?
Faking your own death is a bit extreme. I woukd suggest starving yourselves and pretending to be in the terminal stages of Aids, and thus too ill to attend. While everyone else is at the Christmas market you can gorge yourself in takeaway, and pretend that the incompetent doctor had confused your haemhorroid symptoms for Aids and had misdiagnosed you.
Perfect, eh?
Andy in Germany
Guru
- Location
- Freiburg im Breisgau
This has 2 problems:
1: Several members of the team are medically trained. and will attempt to administer first aid and/or a complete diagnosis on the spot.
2: it requires human interaction. I'm trying to find a method where I don't actually have to speak to the entire group at once. Or at all...
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
I see your problem. I still think faking your death may be a bit extreme. Hmmmm...
Ah! How about faking your own kidnapping? Play your cards right you could pocket a nice ransom, so you get paid for skiving off.
Ah! How about faking your own kidnapping? Play your cards right you could pocket a nice ransom, so you get paid for skiving off.
I feel your pain.
About 30 years ago, I tried like mad to get out of going to my own leaving do.
I don't mind seeing some people socially; I have a tiny number of 'good' friends who's company I enjoy - but even then in small doses, love 'em though I do. I have a wider circle of aquaintences whom I see occasionally. Sometimes, it's not so much the number of people as such, but once a gathering gets much larger than as little as 4 or 5, 'group dynamics' start coming into play. Look at the behaviour of a large 'party' group in a pub/restaurant - I'm not talking about inebriation, just volume and lack of regard for anyone else around them. I'm just not interested in being part of this.
raleighnut
Legendary Member
- Location
- One of the 'Elite'
Given where you work I suppose it would be frowned on to hit a Bierkellar and get absolutely hammered (it's how I'd deal with it)
classic33
Leg End Member
What about the simple common cold. Medical help wouldn't be required, so anyone medically trained could only confirm that you're doing your best to get rid of it. Thus avoiding any intervention on their part.
This would mean it would be unfair, of you, to possibly pass it on. Despite this being the season of Goodwill to all, and a time for sharing.
More effective if you have the sniffles/can feel a cold coming on in the days beforehand.
Weak.
Dribble some tomato sauce into and under your nose and ears, and and ask everyone you meet if they know anything about Ebola.
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