Uncle Drago's agony column

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classic33

Leg End Member
Weak.

Dribble some tomato sauce into and under your nose and ears, and and ask everyone you meet if they know anything about Ebola.
Weak it may be, but you'd not want to risk passing it onto others in close vicinity.

Besides avian flu is back in Germany, three confirmed cases last month, one this.
 
IF nothing else, the thread is cheering me up no end: it's good know I'm not the only crowd avoider...

Have to try hard not to snigger when reading it though...
 
Given where you work I suppose it would be frowned on to hit a Bierkellar and get absolutely hammered (it's how I'd deal with it)

Probably not a good idea: we have a strict rule of no alcohol for 24h before we start a shift anyway, because alcoholics can smell it a mile off. I don't like the taste anyway.

What about the simple common cold. Medical help wouldn't be required, so anyone medically trained could only confirm that you're doing your best to get rid of it. .

Weak it may be, but you'd not want to risk passing it onto others in close vicinity.

Besides avian flu is back in Germany, three confirmed cases last month, one this.

You could be onto something there. If I sniff and flap my arms they'll definitely send me home...
 
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classic33

Leg End Member
Probably not a good idea: we have a strict rule of no alcohol for 24h before we start a shift anyway, because alcoholics can smell it a mile off. I don't like alcohol.


You could be onto something there. If I sniff and flap my arms they'll definitely send me home...
That'll be your party piece.
 
OP
OP
Drago

Drago

Legendary Member
IF nothing else, the thread is cheering me up no end: it's good know I'm not the only crowd avoider...

Have to try hard not to snigger when reading it though...

Problem with sniggering? Keep a picture of Diana Abbot upon your desk. Unless your name is Jeremy, it's guaranteed to sober you up immediately.
 
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Kempstonian

Has the memory of a goldfish
Location
Bedford
Problem with sniggering? Keep a picture of Diana Abbot upon your desk. Unless your name is Jeremy, it's guaranteed to sooner you up immediately.
A picture of Diane Abbot would actually trigger my snigger! I'd be thinking about all the daft things she says.
 

Andy_R

Hard of hearing..I said Herd of Herring..oh FFS..
Location
County Durham
Dear Aunty Daphne

My marigolds haven't come up again this year - this is the third year in a row that they've failed to put in an appearance. What am I doing wrong? Is it the lack of organic wagyu muck, or the 4 inches of concrete that my wife had laid in the garden in preparation for our new patio?

Yours

Cecil Smythington-Smithers-Cummudgeonly (RHs)(FoRIOA)(MBNA)(TSB)(NHS)
 

Dave7

Legendary Member
Location
Cheshire
IF nothing else, the thread is cheering me up no end: .
Pour a large measure of melted chocolate into your Y fronts and down your trouser leg then tell them you have a serious case of the trots.
 

Dave7

Legendary Member
Location
Cheshire
So you're saying it's ok to have it off with the next door neighbour?
I wish I'd known these laws when I was younger... and before I got a neighbour that was 75!
Ahh....its a technicality. I dont like to boast but I am able to give absolution for sins.
However, even I draw the line at 75 year olds.
 

Moderators

Legendary Member
Moderator
Location
The Cronk
Mod Note:
An inappropriate post ridiculing religious beliefs has been deleted.
Quotes of this post have also been deleted.
Please consider that some "jokes" could be offensive.
Thank you.
 
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