Uncle Drago's agony column

[Drago]

Well, thqts a good question, and I, if I may say so, believe that Britain will move forward faster if I abolish the cabinet and become Lord Protector.

Hall hail,

Me.

 

[classic33]

Well, thqts a good question, and I, if I may say so, believe that Britain will move forward faster if I abolish the cabinet and become Lord Protector.

Hall hail,

Me.

Maybe not the best job to have. Nearly every holder of the title, in England, has had an early death in odd circumstances.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Boris,

Are you stepping out side for fight / sorry debate or not?

Jeremy

P.S. My conkers are bigger than yours, and have been pickled in vinegar, using the latest NICE guidelines.

 

[Salty seadog]

Boris,

Are you stepping out side for fight / sorry debate or not?

Jeremy

P.S. My conkers are bigger than yours, and have been pickled in vinegar, using the latest NICE guidelines.

Well there's your problem. I did them over Nice and good.

yours,

Jez

 

[Drago]

Dear Jeremy,

When I'm PM, which I will be because as much of a chump as I am I am not responsible for decimating the NHS like you did, I will find a nice little job for you...wiping my behind.

Love,

Boris.

PS, you'll need to provide your own loo roll.

 

[Edwardoka]

Right, I'm told that the leader of the free world, Mr Donald "ace" Trump, can no longer contribute towards this column. It would seem he's a bit busy trying to invade Iran.

In the meantime the future leader of the Conservative party, Mr B. Johnson. Esq, has kindly given up his time to answer your questions.

Dear Cousin Boris T. Bumbling Dissembler,

It has been brought to my attention via the medium of videogames, namely Hearts of Iron IV, that invading Iran is a Very Bad Idea Indeed.
Assuming that you win the leadership against Jeremy "haha I literally wrote a book called 'how to dismantle the nhs for fun and profit' and they made me health secretary" Hunt, how long after Brexit will we be starting a land war in Asia?

Kind regards,
Mr. N. Bone-Apart

 

[Yellow Fang]

Dear Uncle Drago, my wife says my man boobs are bigger than hers. Should I buy her a boob job?

 

[Drago]

Dear Mr Fang,

If I may say so, I am so sorry to hear this. I suggest to smash her laptop, grab hold of her, and exchange abuse. Then when your neighbour sells the recording to the Guardian you can split the fee with him 50:50 and use the money to buy a new wife, one in her nearly 30s.

Kind regards,

El Presidente BoJo.

 

[tyred]

Dear Uncle Drago,

My brother borrowed my Dire Straits LP in 1985 and still refuses to give it back to me.

Should I begin legal proceedings to reclaim my property?

Yours faithfully,
Tyred

 

[Drago]

Oh? That's a mystery to me. The game commences. For the usual fee. Plus expenses.

 

[Drago]

Boris Johnson is laying low following an indiscretion with a cucumber and an intern. Until a suitable replacement can be found, Mr T has kindly stepped in to hold the fort and answer your questions.

 

[Deleted member 26715]

Dear Aunt,

My toe hurts,

Thanks

 

[Edwardoka]

Dear Mr. T,

I think I'm having an identity crisis; I keep believing I'm a character in boxing movies.
I'd go to a therapist but as I live in Northern Spain all the English-speaking ones are too far away and I ain't getting on no plane.
What do you recommend?

Ricky, Bilbao

 

[Drago]

Dear loser,

Man up, you crazy fool. You eat your greens and drink your milk, or I'll show your what a real man looks like! Now drop and give me 50, fool!

Love,

Mr T.

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

Dear Aunt,

My toe hurts,

Thanks

Give it a good licking. (Sorry to jump in there Mien Fuhrer)