Uncle Drago's agony column

Discussion in 'CycleChat Cafe' started by Drago, 10 Nov 2018.

  1. classic33

    classic33 Legendary Member

    Dear Aunty Abbott

    I arrived home from work earlier than usual one day last week to find the house strangely quiet. My husband who works from home was not in the office or the shed at the bottom of the garden where he keeps his porn stash. I heard some strange noises from our bedroom upstairs so I went to investigate. Imagine my shock when I opened the door to find him prancing around in a corset, fishnet stockings and red patent fark-me high heels. I was amazed. He normally wears American tan tights and ballet pumps. Has he gone weird?

    Concerned, Craigmillar
     
    Illaveago and FishFright like this.
  2. OP
    OP
    Drago

    Drago Guru

    Dear Concerned,

    This is nothing to worry about. Hes clearly joined the Conservative party and this is part of the initiation ritual.

    Diane.
     
  3. FishFright

    FishFright More wheels than sense

    Diane Drago does have a certain ring about it.
     
  4. OP
    OP
    Drago

    Drago Guru

    Dear Frightened Fish,

    I do wish Jermey Corbyn would put a ring on me instead of wicking uo to that a Terence May chap.

    Diane.
     
    FishFright likes this.
  5. One word of warning! If you do fake your own death don't appear in an advert in a foreign country like Panama afterwards !
     
    Drago likes this.
  6. OP
    OP
    Drago

    Drago Guru

    And if you do fake your own death try do a bit better than hiding in a cupboard.
     
  7. I hadn't thought of that ! :wacko:
     
    Drago and classic33 like this.
  8. classic33

    classic33 Legendary Member

    Someone managed nigh on ten years.
     
    Drago and Illaveago like this.
  9. OP
    OP
    Drago

    Drago Guru

    To be honest, if I were married to his missus I'd have faked my death years beforehand.
     
    Threevok, classic33 and Illaveago like this.
  10. Didn't he live next door for quite a while ?
     
    classic33 likes this.
  11. classic33

    classic33 Legendary Member

    Dear Giveitamiss

    You may have already broken the first rule, "let no-one know".

    Now may be the time to think of another means of making money. Imsurance companies will go to extrodanary lengths to avoid a payout. And as far to get any money back that has already been paid out.

    Your idea, whilst sound, was bound to fail.

    Yours
    G. Reaper
     
  12. Why don't subtitles get bigger when I turn the volume up ?
     
  13. classic33

    classic33 Legendary Member

    Dear Bewildered

    Subtitle size is governed by EIA608. Too small, they're whispering, could be seen as subliminal advertising. Leading to you turning them off. Similarly a loud, sudden noise would previously have covered most of the screen, thus only partly visible. It's why manufacturers bring ever larger TV screens out, getting the sales people to have you sitting closer to the screen.

    Yours
    AI
     
    Edwardoka, Drago and Illaveago like this.
  14. classic33

    classic33 Legendary Member

    Dear Auntie Abbot, I am sitting in my best clothes in wet mud in a torrential downpour in the garden. Normally despite being an otherwise intelligent human being, I ask my mother whether or not to come in out of the rain.

    My mother tells me I have no common sense. I have a horrific cough and what seems to be pneumonia. My mother is not speaking to me so will not tell me either to come into the house or stay out in the garden.

    Will you tell me where to go?
     
    Illaveago and Drago like this.
  15. OP
    OP
    Drago

    Drago Guru

    Dear Boris?

    Mrs Johnson caught you poleing the electorate again, eh? Take shelter in the shed, or perhaps under whichever rock you crawled out of ;)

    Love,

    Diane.
     
    classic33 likes this.
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