Uncle Drago's agony column

Discussion in 'CycleChat Cafe' started by Drago, 10 Nov 2018.

  1. Dave7

    Dave7 Guru

    Location:
    Cheshire
    Dear uncle Drago.
    I came home to find my wife dancing to 80s music while wearing a pushup bra, thong and suspenders.
    I really object to her wearing my under clothes but she wont listen.
    What is your advice.
     
  2. classic33

    classic33 Legendary Member

    Have you tried putting them in the same place as your passport. She'd never find them then.
     
    Kempstonian, lane, Mrs M and 7 others like this.
  3. OP
    OP
    Drago

    Drago Guru

    Jeremy? I told you we would talk about this later.

    Diane.
     
    Threevok and Illaveago like this.
  4. classic33

    classic33 Legendary Member

    Dear Aunty Abbott
    I have this problem where I find myself asking perilously under-qualified people for advice.
    What's your advice?

    Yours desperately,
    Hope Toodye
     
    lane, Dave7, Edwardoka and 2 others like this.
  5. classic33

    classic33 Legendary Member

    Dear Aunty Abbott

    Everyone is so engrossed in politics these days, they've taken their eyes off the ball. All this talk of Trump and Brexit when in reality the real problem is known to a select band of people, birdwatchers.

    Even as I type this an army of sparrows is plotting to overthrow the worlds governments. Covering Corbyn, leaving May in the dark and getting ready for Trumping Tump. We are willing to negotiate on their behalf, But they refuse to take the issue with the seriousness it deserves.

    How can we get them to see sense before it's too late?

    Yours
    Oliver(RN) Ohology
    Swift N' Sure
     
    lane and Threevok like this.
  6. OP
    OP
    Drago

    Drago Guru

    Dear Olivia,

    I find that compromising photos of the opposition usually gets them to see things my way. I've so e nude photos of myself you could use to frighten them with.

    Love,

    Diane -x-
     
    Threevok and classic33 like this.
  7. OP
    OP
    Drago

    Drago Guru

    Team, Diane Abbott has had to step down. Due to a lapse of memory she now thinks she's a real Abbott and I can't get her out of church.

    But all is not lost. I've pulled a few strings, and no less than the man himself, numero uno, the boss, the head honcho, the leader of the free world, the President "The Donald" Trump has agreed to run this agony column for a while. He says the US economy is jn such great shale he has all the time jn the world.

    No need to thank me.
     
    Threevok, lane and classic33 like this.
  8. classic33

    classic33 Legendary Member

    Dear Uncle Donald,

    Is it necessary for an accountant to wear a necktie? I don’t want clients to think me unprofessional, but I find ties uncomfortable. What do you advise?

    Hot Under the Collar
    Houston
     
    Threevok and Drago like this.
  9. OP
    OP
    Drago

    Drago Guru

    Dear Republican,

    It is very important that if you want to do business, that you dress like you want to do business. If you want to be president then a smart suit and tie, if you want to build a big beautiful wall then some old rags would do fine because I'd have you deported anyway once its finished.


    President Trump.
     
    Threevok, Edwardoka and classic33 like this.
  10. Edwardoka

    Edwardoka Facetious Remark Generator, Waffler

    Dear Young Virile Donald,

    I hope this finds you well over your morning covfefe. My problem is I want to invade small insignificant archipelago off west coast of Europe and would like to know if I have your support in this. I have alienate them from closest allies and broken their logistics so I don't foresee any operational issues - they are turning ferries into warships!

    мочиться ленты,
    Uncle Vlad

    P.S. "компромат" is such an ugly word, no? I prefer "leverage" - is how you say, "art of deal".
     
    Threevok, rikki, classic33 and 2 others like this.
  11. OP
    OP
    Drago

    Drago Guru

    Dear Vlad, you handsome young devil you,

    Always a pleasure to hear from you - a man who simply gets things done, and sod the niceties of....of...well, of anything.

    Provided I can have a bit of land for a golf course, I won't interfere. Might I suggest March the 29th? Their 8 remaining soldiers will be too busy firing plastic bullets at Democrats on the streets of London to bother you.

    Your loyal friend and ally,

    Donald.
     
    Threevok, classic33 and Edwardoka like this.
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