Uncle Drago's agony column

pjd57

Veteran
Location
Glasgow
Dear Drago,

Back in 1977 I had reason to go to the little boys room and the when I was finished and tried to come out again the door knob broke and it took me some time to break the door so I could get out.

When I did get out I discovered that there was a slow news day and that the newspapers had made up some sort of story about me dying just to boost their sales. Understandably I felt embarrassed by this so kept a low profile for a bit and it had the had advantage of stopping me being hounded by my fans.

Of course I had cut myself off from my old life and record royalties so took a job in a fish and chip shop for a time to pay the bills. Now I am sick of coming home with my hair my jump suit reeking of chip fat every evening so I would really like to start playing gigs again and reclaim my title of the King of Rock n' Roll although I think with the arthritis I may have to tone down the dancing nowadays. I also think I'd make a good judge on X-Factor.

I was wondering if you could give me some advice on the best way to come back from the dead and to resurrect my music career.

Yours faithfully,
Mr. E. Presley Esq.
Sounds like you're caught in a trap
 

Phaeton

Guru
Location
Oop North (ish)
Sounds like you're caught in a trap
You have a suspicious mind
 

classic33

Legendary Member
Sounds like you are catchin' on fast
That's doing it my way.
 

classic33

Legendary Member
Dear Mr T

I gave a letter to the postman, he put it his sack Bright an early next morning, he brought my letter back

She'd wrote upon it Return to sender, address unknown No such number, no such zone

We had a quarrel, a lover's spat I write I'm sorry but my letter keeps coming back

So then I dropped it in the mailbox and sent it special D Bright in early next morning it came right back to me

She'd wrote upon it Return to sender, address unknown No such person, no such zone

This time I'm gonna take it myself and put it right in her hand And if it comes back the very next day then I'll understand

The writing on it Return to sender, address unknown No such number, no such zone

Return to sender, return to sender Return to sender, return to sender

Is this proof that the mail man and my girlfriend may be intending to do a runner. Wooden heart them to be honest about what they're planning. All I wanted was to love her tender(Her papa's big into fire trucks)

Yours
E.P.
 

YukonBoy

The Monch
Location
Inside my skull
Dear Mr T

I gave a letter to the postman, he put it his sack Bright an early next morning, he brought my letter back

She'd wrote upon it Return to sender, address unknown No such number, no such zone

We had a quarrel, a lover's spat I write I'm sorry but my letter keeps coming back

So then I dropped it in the mailbox and sent it special D Bright in early next morning it came right back to me

She'd wrote upon it Return to sender, address unknown No such person, no such zone

This time I'm gonna take it myself and put it right in her hand And if it comes back the very next day then I'll understand

The writing on it Return to sender, address unknown No such number, no such zone

Return to sender, return to sender Return to sender, return to sender

Is this proof that the mail man and my girlfriend may be intending to do a runner. Wooden heart them to be honest about what they're planning. All I wanted was to love her tender(Her papa's big into fire trucks)

Yours
E.P.
As requested, returned to sender

Royal Mail sorting office, Pendle Hill, Witches Country.
 
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