Uncle Drago's agony column

[Drago]

Dear weak bodied and weak willed person,

No one is more important than me, 6 times Mr Olympia. Last person thought they were more important than me, well I set them loose and then hunted them down like the dogs they were. I then made a witty quip, and rescued the beautiful heroine.

Love,

Arnie.

 

[classic33]

Dear Uncle Arnie

How did you feel, in 1967, when Sergio Oliva beat you in Mr Olympia. Did the defeat spur you on to greater things?

Yours
"The Myth that is"

 

[Accy cyclist]

Not an emotional problem,more a practical one. There i was today in a supermarket,trying to remember what i wanted,due to me having forgotten my shopping list. When i came to doing the washing up it hit me. I'd forgot to get some washing up liquid! I'm completely out of the stuff. I can't ask neighbour for a squirt,as you'll know we are at war with each other,so what can i do? Is there summat else i could use to wash up?🤔

Thanks for any replies Uncle Drago(or anyone else who offers advice)!!

 

[stephec]

Just leave the dishes dirty until you can go back for some washing up liquid.

For future occasions, always have a stash of paper plates in for emergencies.

 

[Tenkaykev]

Not an emotional problem,more a practical one. There i was today in a supermarket,trying to remember what i wanted,due to me having forgotten my shopping list. When i came to doing the washing up it hit me. I'd forgot to get some washing up liquid! I'm completely out of the stuff. I can't ask neighbour for a squirt,as you'll know we are at war with each other,so what can i do? Is there summat else i could use to wash up?🤔

Thanks for any replies Uncle Drago(or anyone else who offers advice)!!

Any soap or shampoo will work, just give the washing up a rinse afterwards.

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

Any soap or shampoo will work, just give the washing up a rinse afterwards.

I'd wash my hair first tho' as you don't want bits of fried egg stuck on your head after washing up

 

[tyred]

Dear Uncle Drago,

I have this problem that people always laugh at. I am a man but my Dad gave me a girl's name and all throughout my life people have made fun of me. I devoted my life to trying to track my Dad down and when I found him in a run-down saloon, I busted a chair across his face and shoved him through the wall. I had a lot of pent up rage due to the humility of going through life as a boy with a girls name. I thought getting even with my Dad would help me feel better and bring closure but he told me that he gave me a girl's name to make me tough. I still feel abandoned because my Dad left when I was young and I still feel the hurt and the shame of growing up with a girl's name. I also adore my pink Austin Metro with fluffy steering wheel cover and eyelashes over the headlamps but people always laugh at my car.😢

What should I do to gain some street cred and stop people laughing at me?

Yours Sincerely,
Sue.

 

[classic33]

Dear Sue
You grew up quick, and you grew up mean. You now need to show your masculine, mean side to those who make fun of you.

You could try stopping, locking the door and facing those who seek to drag you down. Just don't leave any standing when you leave.

 

[tyred]

Dear Uncle Drago,

I am concerned that my wife has ideas above her station and suffers from delusions of grandeur. She is constantly correcting everyone about the pronunciation of our surname and disowning her two sisters and brother in law because they don't present the sort of image she wants to project.

She terrorises neighbours by inviting them to contrived social functions where she tries to pretend we are aristocracy but I am from humble stock.

She insists that I open her car door for her and I have to drive around like I am transporting royalty whereas personally I would love to slam the suspension of my Rover 216S, fit a set of 18" alloys, wheel arch extensions, single wiper conversion and and fit a big bore sports exhaust but she won't allow me to do so. She says it would not be dignified transport if I did that but at least it would be a fun set of wheels.

I also must admit to feeling jealous of my brother-in-law Onslow who apparently doesn't give a shoot about anything and his wife allows him to sit watching TV and drinking beer all day and he has this amazingly cool rat look Ford Cortina.

How can I make my wife respect me and take control of my life again?

Yours faithfully,
Richard Bucket (pronounced "bouquet").

 

[Profpointy]

Not an emotional problem,more a practical one. There i was today in a supermarket,trying to remember what i wanted,due to me having forgotten my shopping list. When i came to doing the washing up it hit me. I'd forgot to get some washing up liquid! I'm completely out of the stuff. I can't ask neighbour for a squirt,as you'll know we are at war with each other,so what can i do? Is there summat else i could use to wash up?🤔

Thanks for any replies Uncle Drago(or anyone else who offers advice)!!

Do you have a dog? If so, he can do the job without any need for washing up liquid at all

 

[tyred]

Not an emotional problem,more a practical one. There i was today in a supermarket,trying to remember what i wanted,due to me having forgotten my shopping list. When i came to doing the washing up it hit me. I'd forgot to get some washing up liquid! I'm completely out of the stuff. I can't ask neighbour for a squirt,as you'll know we are at war with each other,so what can i do? Is there summat else i could use to wash up?🤔

Thanks for any replies Uncle Drago(or anyone else who offers advice)!!

Get yourself a pressure washer

 

[Accy cyclist]

Do you have a dog? If so, he can do the job without any need for washing up liquid at all

I used to let my previous dog lick my plate. The then Mrs Accy used to say it was filthy,and looking back yes it was. I wouldn't do it now with my current dog. Though i do prepare his food in one of my dishes.

 

[Drago]

Not an emotional problem,more a practical one. There i was today in a supermarket,trying to remember what i wanted,due to me having forgotten my shopping list. When i came to doing the washing up it hit me. I'd forgot to get some washing up liquid! I'm completely out of the stuff. I can't ask neighbour for a squirt,as you'll know we are at war with each other,so what can i do? Is there summat else i could use to wash up?🤔

Thanks for any replies Uncle Drago(or anyone else who offers advice)!!

I would urge caution. Only ask for a squirt if dirty Gertie herself aseers the door. If her son answers and younask for a squirt you may regret it.

 

[Drago]

I used to let my previous dog lick my plate. The then Mrs Accy used to say it was filthy,and looking back yes it was. I wouldn't do it now with my current dog. Though i do prepare his food in one of my dishes.

I think Mrs Accy's main objection is that you would smear your genitals with gravy and place them on the plate before allowing the dog to lick them.

 

[postman]

Dear Uncle
I am bereft i have no followers,i have been reading about the tragic life of a poor failed page 3 woman.Her life is in turmoil.Yet thousands follow every bit of drivel she utters.Why oh why don't i have hundreds of thousands of followers why can't i be an influencer.I got a spell in my finger on Sunday while gardening helping out a neighbour,i had to get it out with a sewing needle.Surley my pain and discomfort should be seen by thousands.Where have i gone wrong.