What is the most cringey thing you have ever done??

[Mad Doug Biker]

Yes, as the thread title says, what are the most cringeworthy things you have ever done? I don't mean the most stupidest things, I just mean the things which make you want to be swallowed up by the ground just for thinking about it, the things that make you clench your bum in sheer embarrassment.

Having brain damage as I do, I have had be fair share of them, but there are several of them which stand out to me for their monumental awfulness.

The first, which I suddenly thought of for some reason earlier, and thereby starting his thread happened in early December 2004 on a train from London to the south coast.

I had somehow managed to get myself on the Southern Trains staff farewell tour of the class 205 DEMU Thumpers, and had sat myself down in a compartment with two other young guys in it. We started to talk, and I realised very quickly that they were both quite clever, and so the conversation was all rather high brow. This was ok as I could wing it reasonably, until it got to the subject of languages - one of then was fluent in French but had studied in Wales, so the conversation got onto Welsh and Gaelic.

Now, I had been studying Scottish Gaelic previously, and, so, rather stupidly decided to say

'Well, yes, I know quite a bit of Gaelic'

To which the guy who spoke French started asking a volley of questions about it on the spot.

Thing is, my mind went blank just at that moment, so I couldn't answer anything, making me look like a complete and utter idiot (more so than usual I mean) who had tried to make something up and had been exposed. An awkward silence fell over the compartment as the two guys looked at me like I had just farted in their faces, and all I wanted to do was die on the spot.

I eventually made some pathetic excuse about how it is much better if I can see it written down, but the whole atmosphere had changed after that (you could practically feel it going out of the window) and they hardly spoke to me again after that.

 

[hotfuzzrj]

Haha that is a good one.
I was on a training course once with a load of my colleagues, one of whom I recognised as a sergeant but had never been introduced to her before.
We were told to introduce ourselves to each other and she said to me "I'm Lucy"
I was thinking to myself 'Lucy, Lucy, Lucy' to remember it and I said to her "Hi I'm Lucy, err, no you're Lucy I'm Rose"
She must have thought I was a total moron!

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

An other was far more public:

When I was in the BB's, we used to do marching competitions.

Anyway, this time, we were the forming into our respective positions when, due to various reasons all to do with me, I ended up in the wrong position and didn't know what I had to do.

That was our company's entry out the window right there.

I ran home immediately after that and didn't return for quite a long while.

 

[ASC1951]

I don't mean the most stupidest things, I just mean the things which make you want to be swallowed up by the ground just for thinking about it, the things that make you clench your bum in sheer embarrassment.

Something I still don't think I can share with the good folks of C+, not even twenty years later.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Another more recent one was during the parade of the Olympians in London in September.

They had passed me at St Pauls, but I wanted more pictures of people, so I proceeded to make my way through the crowd, running when I could.

Anyway, I was running along, dodging the crowds, ducking, diving, and I was approaching this side street when I very briefly saw a bunch of guys wearing white hats ('they look familar' thinks I, but they are just standing there so it might be ok). Anyway, I came bounding out of the crowd and ran straight into who turned out to be the Royal Marines band who were obviously waiting to perform, but because I had already gone too far, I decided to continue running across a line of them to get to the other side ASAP and escape.

The Police were not very happy, but they just shouted at me not to do it again, so I didn't, and on I went.

My excuse is that, because the place was so crowded, I couldn't see what was in front of me, but what worries me is that I saw the hats, so should have known better.

I do now, but I always cringe when I see the Royal Marines on the telly now.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Something I still don't think I can share with the good folks of C+, not even twenty years later.

Oh come on, is it even more crass than the Royal Marine one?

 

[ASC1951]

Oh come on, is it even more crass than the Royal Marine one?

Oh yes. I knew before I did it that it wasn't a good idea, but still said 'yes' when someone asked 'are you sure you want to do this?' And it really wasn't a good idea.

Even worse than putting stones on the railway line to see if I could get the train to bounce. I mean, that was over half a century ago and I was only seven.

 

[Brahan]

I met a girl who was staying with a friend of mine for a week and we hit it off immediately. I was 19 and after our weekend of fun, she invited me down to stay with her for a while. After a few xxxXXXxxx punctuated letters I packed a bag and hitched the 100 odd miles to her place. I knocked on the door expecting her to answer, but a hard as fark looking, red headed, Northern Irish man, who told me he was her father, swung the door open and asked what I wanted. (I'm going red while I type this by the way) I said that Wendy had invited me to stay (already almost pleading with him) and that it was ok because I was expected. He said that he wasn't expecting me and "anyway, she's out at work, so if you're going to stay then you might as well help me paint the house."

Within 10 minutes I was at the top of a very high ladder painting his chimney and wishing he would make a cup of tea, giving me enough time to leg it.

As a father, I will adopt his persona whenever a young lad comes knocking on my door.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Oh yes. I knew before I did it that it wasn't a good idea, but still said 'yes' when someone asked 'are you sure you want to do this?' And it really wasn't a good idea.

Even worse than putting stones on the railway line to see if I could get the train to bounce. I mean, that was over half a century ago and I was only seven.

You asked for a Perm?

 

[Mr Haematocrit]

I once test drove a BMW with a view to buying one.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

I am barred from a well known Pub in the centre of Glasgow, but, in my defence, I was drunk at the time!

 

[Speicher]

Oh yes. I knew before I did it that it wasn't a good idea, but still said 'yes' when someone asked 'are you sure you want to do this?' And it really wasn't a good idea.

Even worse than putting stones on the railway line to see if I could get the train to bounce. I mean, that was over half a century ago and I was only seven.

Getting married?

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

I'd say that things you do when drunk are exempt, but if you really want to tell us, do, because I've had a few howlers in my time too, although let it be pointed out however that I've never been arrested (I've come damned close on one or two occasions though).

 

[ComedyPilot]

Tried testing the cigarette lighter plug on an old g/f's dad's car with an electric test screw driver - as he was driving through rush hour traffic in Dortmund (Germany).

Pop - everything went out like a light and the car stopped dead.

I split up with her a short while later.

 

[mark st1]

I once spent a good few minutes on a tea break slating the owner of the firm i worked for with the new boy labourer who was helping out in the holidays. Only for him to announce i was talking about his Dad