What is the most cringey thing you have ever done??

[Globalti]

There are soooo many stories.... here's one: I used to go drinking with my climbing pal and one day in the pub we bumped into his friend and his friend's father, both of whom I knew a little. Rounds of drinks got bought and I knew that the father was (still is) a big local landlord with a reputation for some dodgy practices, one of which included buying some cottages down a remote lane and doing them up to rent and then, to avoid the cost of maintaining the lane, transferring ownership of the lane to a company, which he then wound up thus ensuring nobody could pursue him for the cost of repairs. Having had a few jars and beginning to relax with my new drinking buddy it struck me that he had that craggy weathered look of an aristocratic highwayman so without thinking I blurted: "You know, you really do have the face of a sort of gentleman crook!" Instead of the gales of laughter and mickey-taking that I had anticipated, this provoked sharp intakes of breath and sudden facial reddening and close examination of beer glasses by my three companions. Rather than apologising and moving on I tried to make light of it, which only made the atmosphere more awkward. I carried on some more and eventually my pal growled at me: "Stop digging when you can't see the sky any more!" and I got the message and stopped. From the reaction I guess the man is fairly dodgy and probably well advised by his son who is a very clever accountant; I have even read complaints about the lane in question in the local press so my little gaffe must have hit right on a sensitive spot. Oops!

 

[Rickshaw Phil]

I'm quite easy to embarrass (and have a knack of walking right into embarrassing situations) so I have a fair few cringeworthy moments from over the years. Two that have really stuck though are these:

Having a chat with my boss I mentioned how things were going with the new temp in the office. I had a mental block and the temp's name had completely slipped my mind so I just said "the new lad" when I referred to him. The boss said in a frosty tone "Oh, you mean my son."

Years before that I volunteered on the Severn Valley Railway for a while as a locomotive cleaner. One day there was a movement to be done and a couple of the other young lads were invited up to the cab of the 08 shunter. I was a bit slow to join them so ran after the engine and hopped onto the front step.
This was followed by an emergency stop and I was told in rather colourful and forceful terms that jumping onto the engine once it was moving was not a good idea. I'm afraid that one embarrassed me so much that I stopped volunteering shortly after.

 

[MontyVeda]

far too many to list. Most memories are 'head in hands' moment.

 

[Christopher]

Went into a music shop when I was 14 or so and asked to see a 'rhythm guitar'. Based on a picture I had seen I was convinced there were two types of six string guitar, a normal one and a rhythm one with 4 identical thick strings (bottom E) and two thin ones (G-B). The assistant spent some time trying to convince me they were all rhythm guitars which of course they were. He was too polite to say look you stupid kid I work here and know what I am talking about. I stamped out in the end. Didn't go back there for about six months after I realised I was wrong (so about a year then).

 

[Globalti]

''Hi ya how's it going? Ain't see you in a long time''
''Yeah, I'm good thanks''
''You're pregnant as well?''
''Er...no''

Oh yes, I've done that one as well! Terrible.

 

[NormanD]

My mate Tash who I hadn't seen for a few weeks ..walking along the the road I spotted him walking towards me ..black suit, white shirt, black tie, now to anyone that would be a dead giveaway, but to me ... NO!!, only knowing Tash to ever wear T-shirt, jeans and trainers it was time for some ribbing.

Me : Hello mate haven't seen you for a while and all dressed up too? .. you off to some poor feckers funeral?? (said in a joking kind of way friends do)
Him : yes my dad's he passed away last week!!
Me praying : EARTH PLEASE OPEN UP AND SWALLOW ME NOW!!!!!

 

[shouldbeinbed]

I was having a bad time anyway and was living on a short fuse when I tried to make a phone call to my mother in law (worst profanity she uses, oh dash it). The phone had been playing up intermittently anyway and it didn't seem to have connected, dead tone, the works

I bounced it off the floor and screamed the most sustained and inventively profane rant at it that I can ever remember coming out with.

A couple of moments later I got a call on the landline from her asking if I was Ok as I sounded "a bit grumpy" on my other phone.

 

[ColinJ]

I'd been suffering from insomnia and had only had about 30 minutes sleep. I was knackered and confused but had to get up because I was expecting boiler guy to come round and install my new boiler. I had met him on a recent visit when he came to do the quote. He drives a small white van. He does not have a beard. He does wear a woolly hat at all times.

I was still upstairs when I heard a knocking at the door. Must be boiler guy. I ran down the stairs, which come out in my kitchen, walked past my back door, across the kitchen, through my bike shed/workshop/gym/storeroom to the front door. I opened the door and saw a man closing the door of his van.

Now ... the van was not a small white one, it was a large green one. The man was a different height to boiler guy. He had a big bushy beard which no man alive could possibly have grown in the few days since I'd had the quote done. He was not wearing a woolly hat. He looked a lot like my new neighbour, who coincidentally also drives a large green van, and does have a big bushy beard ...

The man said hello. I told him that he'd need a parking permit and I'd lend him my visitor's permit. Hebden Bridge parking is zoned and his domestic permit would be for the wrong zone. He looked at me as if I were mad, and told me that his permit was for the same zone, so no thanks, not necessary.

I couldn't get over how much like my neighbour he looked ...

He started to walk away and I asked if he was going to get the new boiler out of the back of the van. He told me that he was going into the house next door. I thought it was an amazing coincidence that he was going to do a job for them too and asked him when he would be finished in there. He looked at me as if I were a member of some species of insane pond life.

I felt a wee bit confused ...

The next minute, my phone rang. I told the bearded guy to wait a minute, picked up the cordless phone and walked out onto the pavement with it. It was boiler guy who was apparently waiting patiently at my back door. He had seen me run down the stairs, past the back door and out of the kitchen. Was I going to let him in, or not!

I stared at bearded guy, my mind slowly ticked over ...

"Holy crap, that's why you have a beard - you're my bloody neighbour!"

He looked seriously concerned for my mental health as I turned and fled back into the house! I ran through to the back door where boiler guy was standing, looked rather baffled. My mind went blank and to my horror, heard myself blurt out that he looked better without a beard ...

 

[Globalti]

Ha ha! He probably just thought you were on drugs Colin! Funny story though.... I can see myself pulling that kind of stunt as well.

 

[Arjimlad]

I once drove somewhere after breakfast and after a coffee at my desk. The drive was about 1h30m and by the time I got to my destination I was bursting for a pee. I looked around the park & ride car park but could not see any toilets at all. I also couldn't see anyone else in the car park. It got so bad I had to take a discreet pee in the hedge. As I enjoyed my relief I noticed a Vauxhall Zafira about 50 yards away. The driver was still sitting in the car & I had to make a swift exit !

 

[ColinJ]

Ha ha! He probably just thought you were on drugs Colin! Funny story though.... I can see myself pulling that kind of stunt as well.

I've been avoiding him ever since - I can't think of any explanation that doesn't make me sound half mad, and he probably thinks that already!

 

[Archie_tect]

I stood at a client's Christmas party talking to a married couple from a landscaping firm, who I'd not met before but who were working on some projects we'd designed. The conversation got round to personalised number plates and without considering the implications, I said how I thought they were a waste of money... the man then told me he had one on his Range Rover outside... and that the number plate cost almost as much as the car... To overcome his wife's discomfort I joked, "At least it wasn't one of those S type Jaguars!" ... Without a word, she took her car keys out of her handbag and showed me the key ring... I gave up and walked off.

 

[Globalti]

I once drove somewhere after breakfast and after a coffee at my desk. The drive was about 1h30m and by the time I got to my destination I was bursting for a pee. I looked around the park & ride car park but could not see any toilets at all. I also couldn't see anyone else in the car park. It got so bad I had to take a discreet pee in the hedge. As I enjoyed my relief I noticed a Vauxhall Zafira about 50 yards away. The driver was still sitting in the car & I had to make a swift exit !

Ooh yes, that reminds me of another story... years ago I was out walking with a GF who was an A&E nurse so she was pretty familiar with the male anatomy. Not sure how we got onto it but she confessed that she would like to know what it felt like for a bloke to pee so we headed straight down to a boulder on the hillside and with much giggling and sniggering she stood behind me and, er, held on while I let go. Naturally the unaccustomed experience got her a little exuberant and I had to protest loudly that it wasn't a fire hose while the golden liquid splattered noisily and ran both ways around the boulder and away down the slope.

Just as she was shaking off for me I heard what sounded like a giggle from behind the boulder so once I'd zipped up I popped my head round for a look to find... a group of about eight Ramblers sitting beneath the boulder with knapsacks open, eating their sandwiches! Some were smiling and giggling and a couple were looking plain disgusted. A cheery "hello" and I was off - what else could you do?

 

[GetAGrip]

Oh my, Looking back I can't believe I was so stupid!!!! But, seeing as there are more cringe worthy stories than mine on here, this one could seem quite tame.
At school (1st yr) we had a science lesson where we were taught how methylated spirit burns out on itself without burning whatever it is in contact with. Later in the evening I demonstrated this to my older brother by sploshing meths all over a gloss painted wall in the kitchen and setting it alight. Luckily for me big bruv quickly extinguished it, just before he thumped me for being a complete pratt

 

[phil_hg_uk]

I've been avoiding him ever since - I can't think of any explanation that doesn't make me sound half mad, and he probably thinks that already!

Dont worry about it colin he is probably used to it by now

My neighbour thinks I am bonkers, I often walk up the driveway talking away to myself but I think she is used to it now