What's the stupidest thing you've heard about bikes - by someone who should really know better?

[Once a Wheeler]

An old one that some may not have heard:

An Oxford professor was seen pumping up the front tyre on his bike when clearly the rear tyre was deflated. A passing undergraduate asked him why he was doing this and got the reply: 'Do you mean to say that they are not interconnected?'

 

[Will Spin]

I once heard someone say that bikes with carbon frames are the best.

 

[roadrash]

the stupidest thing i have heard, is that you shouldn't spend any money on them, as they are all freely available at the dump. Spending money on them is just frivolous and any new technology is just marketing gumph.

was you talking to @SkipdiverJohn

 

[jowwy]

was you talking to @SkipdiverJohn

No comment

 

[mustang1]

I'll start. One day, I stopped by the local all-purpose-sports-store (I know, bad idea) to buy chain lube. Predictably, they only had "universal lube" in spray cans. So, I flag down a shopkeeper (who flags down another one and then another one) and ask, can you tell me more about this? Is this for wet or dry conditions? Do you have anything else? Etc, etc.

To which the bloke hands me a spray can of degreaser and goes "They're the same thing, but this one is cheaper. Same ingredients."
I kid you not. Degreaser.

Do you know this feeling when you hear something so profoundly stupid that it momentarily upends your whole understanding of the laws of the universe? Yeah. That was the only reason I said "Uhkay thanks." and not "Mate, did you fall from an oak tree onto a cactus."

I actually sprayed some of both on my hands to check what the hell those mystery cans did, because if a company had indeed made a three-in-one degreaser, chain lube, and cooking spray, they deserved a Nobel's in chemistry.
No miracles happened. The degreaser degreased my skin and the lube made it nice and slippery, what a surprise.

I just want to know: was the shopkeep indeed that much of a moron or did he take me for one?

Oh, and he also said I could bring my bike in for a service at their store. Uh... no.

I'm with you on this but with a few caveats:

1. A popular brand of chain lubricant has a product for wet and dry conditions and I use both. But, when I cannot be particularly bothered, I just use the wet lube. It got me thinking why do I even need dry lube and then I figured I'm buying more stuff than I really need giving the company more profits.

2. Isn't there that guy on a popular cycling youtube channel who uses WD40 to both degrease and lube his chain? I wanted to try that on my bike before it went in for service but never got round to it.

 

[mustang1]

Stupidest thing I ever heard was bike shop guy telling me the price of their top end bike was £5k.
A few years later it was £8k, then 10k and now 12k.

They told me about the aero benefits and I was most intrigued. We got chatting some more and they asked what I do for a living. Some computer gubbins I told them but I can type really fast.
"Yeah?... gotta a lot of practice have you?" they asked me.
"Nah," I replied. "I just use an aero keyboard."
They thought I was being stupid, and I was, but they failed to see the irony.
Then an investment banker walked and said he wants to buy the most expensive bike they have, and just like that, they sold a £12k bike. I guess we're all stupid in one way or another.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

You can’t tour on a flat bat bike

 

[Eric Olthwaite]

You can’t tour on a flat bat bike

All bats are flat after I've sat on them

 

[thatguyfromebay]

I'm with you on this but with a few caveats:

1. A popular brand of chain lubricant has a product for wet and dry conditions and I use both. But, when I cannot be particularly bothered, I just use the wet lube. It got me thinking why do I even need dry lube and then I figured I'm buying more stuff than I really need giving the company more profits.

2. Isn't there that guy on a popular cycling youtube channel who uses WD40 to both degrease and lube his chain? I wanted to try that on my bike before it went in for service but never got round to it.

Good points!

I don't particularly care about whether it's wet or dry, but I did want to ask about it, just to know if it was prone to washing off. I don't think the guy even understood what I was on about.

I've actually used WD on a commuter in a very wet UK city for half a year with no problems. Thing is, I'd given my drivetrain a deep clean with some white spirit, so running it on degreaser alone after that didn't seem like a great idea. (I doubt elbow grease alone counts as lube )

 

[ColinJ]

You must be really fit to ride a bike. Wow you rode 3 miles to this shop. Are you in the TDF next year?

Hmm...

Many people don't have a clue about fitness, even people who really should know better. When I was recovering from illness my consultant used the phrase 'elite athlete' to describe me and to explain why I was making a relatively rapid recovery. I have never been fit enough to race at any level ... I can plod along all day, but I can't do it quickly!

If senior doctors can make assumptions like that, then it isn't surprising that unfit members of the public don't understand.

 

[FishFright]

You can’t ride it in the rain, you’ll get wet.

Back when I was caving , a family member told me I shouldn't go caving at night because it's dark... I kid you not.

 

[Ian H]

Someone on social media referring to his 'aero bike' and his 'climbing bike' made me titter.

 

[monkers]

This really happened - not a spoof. I hope she doesn't work in anybody's LBS!

 

[Arrowfoot]

30 sachets of "Testogel is not for a rider".

 

[Profpointy]

Back when I was caving , a family member told me I shouldn't go caving at night because it's dark... I kid you not.

I was scuba diving on one occasion, a practice dive to try out new kit, and I was dithering over whether I'd need another block of lead or not. My mate said, "just stick it in your pocked in case you need it" I laughed at the silly wise crack, and he'd have got away with had he not stuck is head in his hands saying "oh no! I can't believe I said that". It became a running gag in our dive gang.

(Having just the right amount of lead makes diving much easier. If you have too much, you need more air in your suit / buoyancy device to compensate which changes volume as you go up and down which you then have to deal with. Too little lead means at the end of the dive when you've used most of the air in your tanks, which has weight, you will be floaty and struggle to do your "deco" stop on your way back up. If you change your equipment you need to find out the right amount of lead for the new set up)