Scilly Suffolk
Über Member
PS I'd like to see the "free beer" theme developed a little.
when I am prime minister
- Thread starter BigonaBianchi
- Start date
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Beebo
Firm and Fruity
- Location
- Hexleybeef
One of my favourite Blackadder quotes, from the Rotten Boroughs eposide, when the Monster Raving Loony party candidate is interviewed on election night
Ivor Biggun: We're for the compulsory serving of asparagus at breakfast, free corsets for the under-5s and the abolition of slavery.
Vincent Hanna: I'm sure many moderate people would respect your stand on asparagus, but what about all this extremist nonsense about abolishing slavery?
Ivor Biggun: Oh, that! We just put that in for a joke! See you next year!
Ivor Biggun: We're for the compulsory serving of asparagus at breakfast, free corsets for the under-5s and the abolition of slavery.
Vincent Hanna: I'm sure many moderate people would respect your stand on asparagus, but what about all this extremist nonsense about abolishing slavery?
Ivor Biggun: Oh, that! We just put that in for a joke! See you next year!
Scilly Suffolk
Über Member
That's proper cask conditioned stuff right, not mass produced fizz?
Archie_tect
De Skieven Architek... aka Penfold + Horace
- Location
- Northumberland
Cancel Christmas...but only in Nottingham.
MissTillyFlop
Evil communist dictator, lover of gerbils & Pope.
Erect statues of myself.
Abolish democracy.
Make it a capital offence to insult ginger people...scrap that - make everyone dye their hair ginger.
Only allow 2 hours of television a day.
Make latin compulsory.
Ban fast food outlets from selling to under 16s.
Scrap asbos and rather force the perpatrators of anti-social crime to wear elizabethan doublet and hose and to have a man with a megaphone following them around shouting "Massive dickhead alert!"
Abolish democracy.
Make it a capital offence to insult ginger people...scrap that - make everyone dye their hair ginger.
Only allow 2 hours of television a day.
Make latin compulsory.
Ban fast food outlets from selling to under 16s.
Scrap asbos and rather force the perpatrators of anti-social crime to wear elizabethan doublet and hose and to have a man with a megaphone following them around shouting "Massive dickhead alert!"
Archie_tect
De Skieven Architek... aka Penfold + Horace
- Location
- Northumberland
That mulled wine isn't up to much anyway...1675160 said:
OP
OP
BigonaBianchi
Yes I can, Yes I am, Yes I did...Repeat.
- Location
- Iskele TRNC & Mordor UK
if I have to have ginger hair...I'll wear amatching kilt...which reminds me...I'd make mini skirt s compulsory for all fit women under 40 and ban beer bellies for all blokes (and women in fact).
Anybody vaguely resembling a Chav is to be drafted into the iraqui military
Anybody vaguely resembling a Chav is to be drafted into the iraqui military
OP
OP
BigonaBianchi
Yes I can, Yes I am, Yes I did...Repeat.
- Location
- Iskele TRNC & Mordor UK
order order..I say...
if the right honourable gentleman opposite is going to ban siad automobiles does the house not feel such a worthy cause be extended to include ALL boy racer models? In fact all cars period!
Vapin' Joe
Formerly known as Smokin Joe
- Location
- Bare headed cyclist, Smoker
I would amputate the legs of all cyclists who wear black socks with shorts.
I would make it legal for roadies to shoot anyone on a mountain bike who dared wave or acknowledge them.
Any pot bellied middle aged porker on a road bike would have to wear a sign saying "W@nker, Please Pass and Spit"
I would make it legal for roadies to shoot anyone on a mountain bike who dared wave or acknowledge them.
Any pot bellied middle aged porker on a road bike would have to wear a sign saying "W@nker, Please Pass and Spit"
Cheradenine
Guest
As prime minister I promise that upon my election as patrician for life that the following shall take place
1. Compulsory longbow practice for all working men of the parish shall one again be enforced.
2. An exemption from the EU smoking ban for all pipe smokers.
3. All hi-viz clothing shall be subject to a 3 month amnesty so that it may be piled in great heaps upon every expanse of common land in the realm and then burned in front of a cheering drunken mob of non helmet wearing cyclists, all persons found wearing hi-viz after that point shall be banished to dwell forever in Windsford salt mine - seeing as they are so keen on looking like they are just "off down tut pit".
4. Any man of the realm found to growing a thin and ratty beard as they think it makes them look a bit "edgy" or "like those blokes from Fleetfoxes" shall be held down and shaved by the defence volunteers of the Womens Royal Voluntary Service.
5. Owners of thick and luxuriant beards shall be encouraged to have children so that rat faces with bum fluff are removed from society through darwinian means.
5. Police Commuity Support Officers will all learn how to neatly press a pair of trousers, complete with creases, upon pain of jail.
This list is not exhaustive.
1. Compulsory longbow practice for all working men of the parish shall one again be enforced.
2. An exemption from the EU smoking ban for all pipe smokers.
3. All hi-viz clothing shall be subject to a 3 month amnesty so that it may be piled in great heaps upon every expanse of common land in the realm and then burned in front of a cheering drunken mob of non helmet wearing cyclists, all persons found wearing hi-viz after that point shall be banished to dwell forever in Windsford salt mine - seeing as they are so keen on looking like they are just "off down tut pit".
4. Any man of the realm found to growing a thin and ratty beard as they think it makes them look a bit "edgy" or "like those blokes from Fleetfoxes" shall be held down and shaved by the defence volunteers of the Womens Royal Voluntary Service.
5. Owners of thick and luxuriant beards shall be encouraged to have children so that rat faces with bum fluff are removed from society through darwinian means.
5. Police Commuity Support Officers will all learn how to neatly press a pair of trousers, complete with creases, upon pain of jail.
This list is not exhaustive.
Cheradenine
Guest
Entering a generic city centre public house that quite obviously specialises in cold lager for the thirsty masses on hot summer afternoons and then pulling a sniffy face because there are no "cask ales" or "folk acts" will be an offence punishable by transportation for life to the Falklands Islands.
ComedyPilot
Secret Lemonade Drinker
- Location
- The Kingdom of Yorkshire
When I am Prime Minister I will:
Make adventure sports training part of the national curriculum.
Ban all car journeys that start and end in within a 3 mile radius.
Ban soap operas
Ban celebrity/gossip magazines
Ban domestic violence
Ban drugs
Ban all tv that promotes backstabbing - BB, TOWIE, Soaps, Come Dine With Me etc
Ban talent shows that do nothing other than line the pockets of some monkey-haired, tangerine-skinned, man-boobed wonka.
Ban all get rich quick/ sell up/ move to the country shows, which only serve to displace the people that were born and raised there.
Make being fluent in at least one European language compulsary.
Stopping now, because I could go on.................
Make adventure sports training part of the national curriculum.
Ban all car journeys that start and end in within a 3 mile radius.
Ban soap operas
Ban celebrity/gossip magazines
Ban domestic violence
Ban drugs
Ban all tv that promotes backstabbing - BB, TOWIE, Soaps, Come Dine With Me etc
Ban talent shows that do nothing other than line the pockets of some monkey-haired, tangerine-skinned, man-boobed wonka.
Ban all get rich quick/ sell up/ move to the country shows, which only serve to displace the people that were born and raised there.
Make being fluent in at least one European language compulsary.
Stopping now, because I could go on.................
