when I am prime minister

[Cheradenine]

May the 11th shall become a public holiday to be known as "Hot Librarian Day".

A national celebration of the tweedy spectacle wearing temptresses of Great Britain.

 

[Archie_tect]

Raze to the ground any food factory which uses hydrogenated fat, thickening agents or monosodium glutamate. Should burn well.

 

[threebikesmcginty]

Any pot bellied middle aged porker on a road bike would have to wear a sign saying "W@nker, Please Pass and Spit"

I'm not voting for you then you b@stard!

 

[MissTillyFlop]

Someone might suggest that that lot is only a short step from the Gulags.

And Gulags are fun*!!!


*For everyone apart from me, because I am exempt from all above rules.

 

[Scilly Suffolk]

As prime minister I promise that upon my election as patrician for life that the following shall take place

1. Compulsory longbow practice for all working men of the parish shall one again be enforced.
2. An exemption from the EU smoking ban for all pipe smokers.
3. All hi-viz clothing shall be subject to a 3 month amnesty so that it may be piled in great heaps upon every expanse of common land in the realm and then burned in front of a cheering drunken mob of non helmet wearing cyclists, all persons found wearing hi-viz after that point shall be banished to dwell forever in Windsford salt mine - seeing as they are so keen on looking like they are just "off down tut pit".
4. Any man of the realm found to growing a thin and ratty beard as they think it makes them look a bit "edgy" or "like those blokes from Fleetfoxes" shall be held down and shaved by the defence volunteers of the Womens Royal Voluntary Service.
5. Owners of thick and luxuriant beards shall be encouraged to have children so that rat faces with bum fluff are removed from society through darwinian means.
5. Police Commuity Support Officers will all learn how to neatly press a pair of trousers, complete with creases, upon pain of jail.

This list is not exhaustive.

There is not one sentiment, one word, one punctuation mark with which I do not find myself in whole-hearted and absolute agreement: you are my dictator of choice.

To the barricades!

 

[Bicycle]

Make being fluent in at least one European language compulsary.

English!

I would make it legal for roadies to shoot anyone on a mountain bike who dared wave or acknowledge them.

Then it is a good thing that Einstein cleverly made sure I'll never meet myself while out for a ride...

Any pot bellied middle aged porker on a road bike would have to wear a sign saying "W@nker, Please Pass and Spit"

Would that be written across my back in large letters, or could I write it in 8-point on the label of my shoe?

 

[dmoan]

Automatic destruction of all Land/Range Rovers which do not have towbars.

Compulsory cross-country running at least once every winter.

Compensation for minor incident/accidents to be gained by duelling.

 

[Jonathing]

Resign.

 

[Archie_tect]

Resignation accepted.

 

[BigonaBianchi]

Bikes are to be issued free of charge with an excess duty charged on road tax for cars etc to pay for it.

 

[Arch]

I'm going to instigate some sort of system whereby people wishing to drive a motor vehicle have to have some sort of tuition, and a test before they are allowed to do so alone. I think this might radically improve the standard of driving I witness.

 

[Headgardener]

I would recomend the return of the man with a red flag in front if motorized vechicles and a maximum of four MPH. It would also reduce the unemployment figures to near zoro at the same time.

 

[Keith Oates]

Make it mandatory that all new and nearly new houses to be built with a dedicated room inside the house for bicycles only and fitted with an automatic climate control unit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Archie_tect]

Dpn't be silly Keith- they already have, it's called a Kitchen.

 

[Scilly Suffolk]

It would also reduce the unemployment figures to near zoro at the same time.

Not to mention the increased demand for capes, masks and wide-brimmed hats...