when I am prime minister

[Trembler49]

When I am prime mister...

I will kill anyone who has a list of things they want to do when they are prime minister.

I will also make it compulsory for the prime minister to be transported everywhere by car and have all bicycles banned.

 

[slowmotion]

I would invent the threat of WMD, take the UK into an illegal war, and spend my last year in office on a personal marketing campaign at the expense of the UK taxpayer, sure in the knowledge that I could clean up big-time by acting as a "consultant" to various dodgy regimes and organisations after I left office. Minimising my personal tax liability would also be a point of principle.

 

[BigonaBianchi]

..this is so great ...and I thought I was the only extremist on here ha!

 

[Bay Runner]

Build an extra lane on all motorways for BWM drivers.

Make it compulsory for all women in skirts to wear stocking and suspenders

Bring back Nation Service.

Issue every person in the UK with PLB (Personal Locator Beacon), that way we can take the Search out of Search & Rescue.

Resolve the Moon Landing conspiracy.

Give the BBC exclusive rights to Formula One (till 2050)

Restart the Korean War (I love M*A* S* H)

Cancel HS2

Make every company boss work on the shop floor for at least two weeks of the year (Reality check)

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Cancel HS2

Cancel any more major motorway schemes and pass HS3, 4, 5, etc etc.

Oh, and make a complete and joined up network of cycle paths across the land which all have only the very best of surfaces!

Regarding HS2, the West Coast main line is at, or is near to full capacity, and clearly something will need to be done eventually anyway!! what do you suggest, it be built in the sky??
It is only the Chilterns anyway, ruddy molehills which people in the south East seem to think is 'scenery' - its all a great load of fuss over nothing remotely interesting, I mean, I ask you!

....Which leads me nicely only my next policy. Make it compulsary for every man, woman and child to visit the west coast of Scotland at least once a year, especially Ardnamurchan and the Assynt Area and see REAL scenery!!

Get this notion that a few fields are beautiful out of thier systems!!

 

[GordonB]

I'd be willing to bet a fair sum that I'm the only one on CC who has actually been invited to appear on Radio 4 to answer this exact question. I declined then and I'll do so now, leaving you all to work out why (not that difficult really)

Gordon

 

[betty swollocks]

Make everyone drink, any drink, through a straw. I'm a big fan of straw-based drinks delivery.
All food and drinks packaging to be biodegradable.
Summary capital punishment for litterers.

 

[tyred]

Make everyone drink, any drink, through a straw. I'm a big fan of straw-based drinks delivery.
.

I find that the crunchy bits in cup a soup clog the straw.

 

[growingvegetables]

....Which leads me nicely only my next policy. Make it compulsary for every man, woman and child to visit the west coast of Scotland at least once a year, especially Ardnamurchan and the Assynt Area and see REAL scenery!!

When I'm Prime Minister, you're the first for the gallows, mate. No chance. That's my personal preserve and I'm NOT having 60 million riff-raff anywhere NEAR it!

 

[BigonaBianchi]

Restart the Korean War (I love M*A* S* H)

 

[Fnaar]

Tax breaks to encourage the reintroduction of the cantilever bra.

 

[BigonaBianchi]

didnt we already ban bra's?

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

When I'm Prime Minister, you're the first for the gallows, mate. No chance. That's my personal preserve and I'm NOT having 60 million riff-raff anywhere NEAR it!

You are correct, but I didn't say how I would transport them or how they would see it, did I??

Actually, all I really want is for people to realise just how monumentally dull as ditch water a lot of 'scenery' is, and that getting into a froth over the Chilterns is a bit like crying over very off, green and smelly spilt milk.

Then again, I live within sight of Ben Lomond and the start of the highlands, and have something actually worth looking at on my doorstep, so I am quite possibly biased.

Anyway, back to HS2 for a moment: I must admit that £32 Billion for a high speed line to Brum is extraordinarily obscene, but hey, what do I know??
I wonder how much more or less a decent Maglev would have cost instead??

 

[Salad Dodger]

When I am Prime Minister:
1) Anyone with a stupid Justin Bieber haircut will be shaved bald in public
2) Any chav wearing a baseball hat a jaunty angle will be sent straight to Aghan to look for IED's by swaggering down the main street, like they do in the local high street.
3) All Audi and BMW owners will have their cars crushed before their eyes, but will be compensated by being given their own pedal cycle to ride home on.
4) Emergency services will not be required to give any treatment at all to people who are obviously inebriated. If those people collapse in the street and choke on their own vomit because their so-called friends did not sort them out, then tough luck. They won't do it again.
5) Olympic officials and sponsors will find that their courtesy BMWs have been crushed (see 3 above) but they will be able to set a good example to the local youth by cycling to and from the games on a Boris bike. It's a bit of a pisser for the folks at the sailing event at Weymouth, but I guess they will improve their fitness considerably by the end of the games.

 

[BluesDave]

And Gulags are fun*!!!


*For everyone apart from me, because I am exempt from all above rules.

Only if you like having your testicles forcibly immersed in cold water.