Any good jokes ... ?

[Seevio]

"Leave the peach cobbler in the kitchen alone," mother would say, going upstairs.

But I couldn't help myself. I sneaked in and watched him. Watched him make his stupid little peach shoes, taunting.

"Nobody's going to wear those," I'd say. "They're stupid."

But on he worked...

 

[kynikos]

I took a walk through the woods this morning and the only sound was a twig cracking underfoot.

"Aaaargh, I can't stand it any more" cried the twig.

 

[Archie_tect]

Timpsons, the shoe repair company, used to proudly display a sign in every shop that read "Cobblers to the Queen".

 

[Kryton521]

So I was asked at a staff Christmas party, "How did you start waxing your legs?"
To which I replied, "Well, I was watching Tv one evening and thought. "This is cack! I wonder what it's like to wrap my willy in sellotape!"

Deathly silence fell over the entire room. Perhaps I should lower my voice when telling that one!

 

[betty swollocks]

Just discovered: someone’s broken into my shed and stolen all my limbo dancing equipment.
Just how low can you get?

 

[betty swollocks]

So I was asked at a staff Christmas party, "How did you start waxing your legs?"
To which I replied, "Well, I was watching Tv one evening and thought. "This is cack! I wonder what it's like to wrap my willy in sellotape!"

Deathly silence fell over the entire room. Perhaps I should lower my voice when telling that one!

And you're female?

 

[colly]

So.....Just how fast was that duck moving ??

 

[betty swollocks]

I was in Ann Summers the other day and asked the cashier,
"I'd like a thong, please."

"Thertainly, thir........
Thtwayngers in the night......"

 

[Threevok]

I was in Ann Summers the other day and asked the cashier,
"I'd like a thong, please."

"Thertainly, thir........
Thtwayngers in the night......"

I'm surprised you weren't offered an Ithy Bithy Teeny Weenie Yellow polka dot bikini

 

[betty swollocks]

 

[betty swollocks]

 

[Lullabelle]

 

[PaulB]

I just wanted to let everyone know that I have been admitted into hospital and they are keeping me in. I have only gone and bloody poisoned myself, thanks to my own culinary skills. What I thought was an onion for my salad turned out to be a daffodil bulb. They said I should be out early spring.

 

[colly]

Buster lives !

 

[Cavalol]

The Beastie Boys are launching a new five-part fanzine, documenting their rise to stardom.

Parts A to D will be freely available in the shops for general purchase but, consistent with their band's ethos, you'll have to fight for your right to Part E.