Any good jokes ... ?

[PaulB]

The chip shop I go to still wrap up meals in newspaper. Yesterday I got a plaice in the Sun.

Sue them under the trades description act. They promised a newspaper and didn't use one.

 

[Chris S]

Saw a chap today who had 5 penises.
On the plus side, his trousers fitted like a glove.

Shouldn't that be 3 penises?

 

[Markymark]

Shouldn't that be 3 penises?

Isn’t that the actual name of the BeeGees?

 

[Vapin' Joe]

I spent New Years Eve knocking back whiskey and lemonades like there was no tomorrow. It was the worst hangover I've ever had, I really thought I was going to die.

I don't think I'll be able to face any lemonade ever again.

 

[guitarpete247]

Shouldn't that be 3 penises?

Isn't the plural "Peni"?

 

[guitarpete247]

Teeny Weeny Peni too.

 

[PaulB]

My wife reckons I've got an obsession with Sinead O'Connor so I went to the doctors. Guess what he told me? Guess what he told me?

 

[Dayvo]

 

[Lullabelle]

 

[Cavalol]

When I first realised I'd got tickets to see a female Tommy Cooper/Monkees tribute act, I was sceptical.

But then I saw her fez.

 

[PK99]

View attachment 453821

Two bees? Or not two bees? That is the question.

 

[Cavalol]

I didn't believe that Peter Tork was dead. Then I saw the news, now I'm a bereaver

 

[Cavalol]

The wife says she's leaving me because I've put CCTV all round the house.

I can see where she's coming from.

 

[betty swollocks]

A man who took Ryanair to court over his lost luggage has lost his case.

 

[colly]

A vegan said to me, "People who sell meat are disgusting!"

I said, "People who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer."