Nottingham's a bit different from a big village (and Bardney isn't even a
big village,
@screenman). We have problems finding any quinoa, let alone orgasmic, and have to travel to Newark Waitrose just to get half decent polenta. The bacalhau in the Viccy centre is full of bones, and they aren't necessarily cod bones. Y'know what I'm sayin'? A few years ago, the local tourist board created an advert which said "Come to Nottingham, you'll be blown away", and this wasn't even a veiled threat, it conformed exactly to trading standards regulations with regard to truthfulness.
What's the problem, simon? Seriously, if you need help, pm me. I'm 6 feet tall, 17 stone, plug-ugly, and an ex-second row, with no criminal record. Downside is that I've just turned 64 and I'm a weak coward, but look impressive from a suitable distance in the right light.