Friend who disappeared has been found, but he doesn't seem too keen on meeting up

[Accy cyclist]

On Monday I posted about being contacted by a friend I hadn't seen or spoken to for 40 years. He contacted me, not him. We had an online chat about the past and what we're up to these days. We must've sent about 20 posts to each other. We mentioned getting in touch with another friend both of us hadn't seen for 20 or so years. He gave me this other friend's number, saying phone or text him and if you don't get a reply I'll phone or text him. Anyway, last night I sent a text asking if he fancied meeting up with a few old friends. The thing is he at first said "Absolutely" but then the 'chatty' posts I sent were met with curt one or two word replies. For example ME.....Whereabouts are you living now? HIM....Here and there.........ME Are you still working or have you retired?.......HIM Working. He did say that he'd just got back from San Marino after watching the England game, so I put it down to tiredness and the slight surprise of being contacted by someone he hadn't seen or spoken to for twenty years. I left a few more texts, thinking he'd be a nit more friendly with his replies in the morning. I looked at his reply this morning and the messages are still curt. The thing is I've asked about him, but he hasn't asked anything about me. My thoughts are he's not that bothered about meeting up. If he was why has he left his past behind, without contacting any of his old friends? Others I've spoken to over the years said words like "We don't know where he is and we don't have his phone number". Is it really worth meeting up with him, or best to not text him again? I have a feeling if a few of us meet up in a pub it'll be very awkward. Maybe it's best to leave him in the past and accept why he 'disappeared' in the first place?🤔

 

[jowwy]

On Monday I posted about being contacted by a friend I hadn't seen or spoken to for 40 years. He contacted me, not him. We had an online chat about the past and what we're up to these days. We must've sent about 20 posts to each other. We mentioned getting in touch with another friend both of us hadn't seen for 20 or so years. He gave me this other friend's number, saying phone or text him and if you don't get a reply I'll phone or text him. Anyway, last night I sent a text asking if he fancied meeting up with a few old friends. The thing is he at first said "Absolutely" but then the 'chatty' posts I sent were met with curt one or two word replies. For example ME.....Whereabouts are you living now? HIM....Here and there.........ME Are you still working or have you retired?.......HIM Working. He did say that he'd just got back from San Marino after watching the England game, so I put it down to tiredness and the slight surprise of being contacted by someone he hadn't seen or spoken to for twenty years. I left a few more texts, thinking he'd be a nit more friendly with his replies in the morning. I looked at his reply this morning and the messages are still curt. The thing is I've asked about him, but he hasn't asked anything about me. My thoughts are he's not that bothered about meeting up. If he was why has he left his past behind, without contacting any of his old friends? Others I've spoken to over the years said words like "We don't know where he is and we don't have his phone number". Is it really worth meeting up with him, or best to not text him again? I have a feeling if a few of us meet up in a pub it'll be very awkward. Maybe it's best to leave him in the past and accept why he 'disappeared' in the first place?🤔

maybe this is best in the personal area, rather than in the cafe section

 

[yello]

My thoughts are he's not that bothered about meeting up.
Maybe it's best to leave him in the past and accept why he 'disappeared' in the first place?

To be frank, that would be my off-the-cuff interpretation. There's nothing in those responses that suggests a coyness, or an 'ask me more'.

I've had a few such experiences of it myself over the years (and have indeed done it back to others, i.e. been the 'disappeared' one giving brief replies) People change, and you kinda have to accept/respect that. Sometimes it's difficult to not take it personally but it is what it is.

 

[Accy cyclist]

maybe this is best in the personal area, rather than in the cafe section

Yes, I kind of thought that, but I'd rather it stayed more 'light hearted' than 'heavy'. If it gets moved less will post about their thoughts and experiences, but if the mods choose to move it so be it.🤔

 

[T4tomo]

Meet up with those that do want to get together. let him know time & place and if they come they come, you cant do anything more, and stalking them isn't going to help!

 

[Accy cyclist]

To be frank, that would be my off-the-cuff interpretation. There's nothing in those responses that suggests a coyness, or an 'ask me more'.

I've had a few such experiences of it myself over the years (and have indeed done it back to others, i.e. been the 'disappeared' one giving brief replies) People change, and you kinda have to accept/respect that. Sometimes it's difficult to not take it personally but it is what it is.

I can always saw 'Well at least I tried'. I suppose he's had opportunities over the years to contact me and others, but he hasn't done. He is or should I saw was an outgoing person. He was my best man at my wedding. I asked him to do the job as he was a great public speaker. He did lengthy talks in his job in front of many, so waffling about me and him at the reception wasn't a problem at all. I looked his name up on Facebook, but unlike him he didn't/doesn't have a page.

 

[IanSmithCSE]

Good afternoon,

I couldn't find Monday's post to see what has already been sent.

Are you sure that the messages came from the person that you think you were chatting to?

Not that I am a cynic or anything but does it seem likely to you that you are being groomed for Can you lend me £100 to get home, sorry but I need another £500, thanks another £1k will solve the problem .....?

If you reread the messages are they the equivalent of a cold reading,

Him: Do you remember school days?
You: Yeah, Grumpy Johnson is still there.
Him: Grumpy Johnson is still there wow I thought he would have left years ago!

In other words repeating back to you what you have told him. You say that he hasn't asked about you, that would be consistent with someone who is not who they say they are. Asking Do you still play football? is a dangerous give away if you have spent time together moaning about how boring football is.

Bye

Ian

 

[Jody]

Sounds like he's not that bothered. Let it slide and move on.

 

[Accy cyclist]

Are you sure that the messages came from the person that you think you were chatting to?

I would've had my doubts, but when I phoned last night I was met with a recorded message. Although I haven't heard from him in 20 years I immediately recognised his voice. Maybe it is him, but he's been.....

🤔

 

[fossyant]

We've just organised a School Year reunion, well there are about 20 turning up, and another 10 or so who can't make it. Out of 150, so hey ho, it doesn't matter does it. The folk who are going have connections back to Primary too, and I still see a few of them locally. The 'knobs' from the day aren't going though...

 

[Accy cyclist]

We've just organised a School Year reunion,

I went to one of those about 15 years ago. I met up with folk I hadn't seen since 1977 when we all left our school. It was awkward to say the least! Stood there with a half pint of flat bitter in my hand asking the school bully of the time who I hated If he had any family blah blah. I disliked half of them back in 1977, so why would I like them 29/30 years later?

 

[Dirk]

Maybe he joined Cycle Chat..........

 

[yello]

Maybe he joined Cycle Chat..........

now now

 

[yello]

I disliked half of them back in 1977, so why would i like them 29/30 years later?

It's a challenge for sure but people do change.... well, some do. Maybe as something like an anthropological experiment, you could see whether you/they have changed enough to find common ground today? I don't know. I'm reaching. In honesty, I'd share your initial thought.

 

[Nibor]

It may be he doesn't like tech I have a friend if you text him or message him he is very short in his answers however in person he talks constantly