Give me some dialogue from your day

[Lullabelle]

Suit came to our office today. We were all working away, most of us wearing headphones. Proper ones, not earbuds.
Suit: why are they wearing those
Chap with him: helps them concentrate in such a noisy office
Suit to me: ARE THEY NOISE CANCELLING HEADPHONES?
Me: No. it’s Pink Floyd
Suit:

I want your job. ​

 

[Saluki]

I want your job. ​

I work in the Quantity Survey team in a building site office with Tornadoes flying overhead that set off the car alarms of the cars in the car park

 

[Lullabelle]

I work in the Quantity Survey team in a building site office with Tornadoes flying overhead that set off the car alarms of the cars in the car park

In our office there is 1 guy who only talks about football and himself so ear protectors would be great.

 

[Saluki]

In our office there is 1 guy who only talks about football and himself so ear protectors would be great.

They are a bit footbally here too.

I did say that if I wanted to see Men hugging each other that I would pop to the local gay bar. Didn’t go down well.

 

[Lullabelle]

They are a bit footbally here too.

I did say that if I wanted to see Men hugging each other that I would pop to the local gay bar. Didn’t go down well.

I don't have any issues with people liking football, my issue is with people who talk endlessly and feel they have every right to finish early to watch a game. If I asked to leave early to watch a stage of the TDF I would be laughed at.

 

[ColinJ]

[QUOTE 5276521, member: 21629"]At the train station:

"This man is in wrong county".
"???"
"He's in Ashford, Kent. He needs to be in Ashford, Middlesex".[/QUOTE]
At least not as bad as ...

"This woman picked wrong countRy"!

"She chose Birmingham, Alamaba. She needed Birmingham, UK"

 

[Andy in Germany]

This is an entirely normal occurrence at my current workplace:

Today the kitchen/restaurant had a had a a big catering contract, so very unusually the chef turned up at 0800, while I was having a quiet cuppa with the business manager (who deals with paperwork). The Chef saw the manager, grabbed an invoice that had just come with an early delivery, and wordlessly attempted to wrap it in a bow around the managers hand. This didn't work so he proceeded to stuff it down the back of the managers shirt.

The manager had remained silent for this operation, but as the chef tried to walk away as if nothing had happened, he retrieved the crumpled paperwork and calmly observed: "You really aren't a morning person are you Stefan?"

 

[Profpointy]

At least not as bad as ...

"This woman picked wrong countRy"!

"She chose Birmingham, Alamaba. She needed Birmingham, UK"

I think there was a honeymoon couple who flew to Sydney Novia Scotia by mistake - apparently it's basically a mining camp. The locala rallied round and lent them anoraks and so on and they had a such a great time they booked to go again the next year to visit all their new friends

The story didn't go on to tell of their visit to bondi beach wearing parkas with their ice axes and crampons

 

[Lullabelle]

My colleague has a partner and son who are football obsessed, I have no interest. So, a couple of days ago

My colleague: I don't know if you are aware but the football world cup is about to start.

Me: I don't live in a cave, of course I know it is advertised everywhere

My colleague: oh, is it?

Me: erm yes, it is the world cup

 

[Lavender Rose]

Me: "card or cash?"
Customer: "YES"
Me:

Customer: 'can I book a court for 4pm...'
Me: 'sorry we have nothing free at that time...another time?'
Customer: 'so you're sure there's nothing open?'
Me: 'Yup....any other time?'
Customer: 'Yes....4pm'
Me:

 

[Lullabelle]

Overheard in Boots:

"I need some foot lotion."
"Haven't you already got some?"
"No. They said on the telly you mustn't use your body lotion on your feet."

Eh?

You are not supposed to use body lotion on your face and vice versa.

 

[ColinJ]

A triumph of marketing, making people believe that they need ANY skin products, rather than just none!

 

[ColinJ]

(Looks down at dry ageing skin on back of hands ...)

Hmm, so Helen Mirren is wrong - I think I need some moisturiser!

 

[gbb]

During a phone conversation between my wife and DIL..
DIL...'the washing machine has started smoking today, we've turned it off and contacted the landlord, he's going to sort a second hand one from an empty property but it'll take a few day's'

Shortly after, my wife to me...
'We could get her one for £180, I couldn't be without one...shall we just get them one ?'
'I remember how you struggled, it might take days and days for the landlord to sort it...c'mon, let's go have a look'

1 hour later we turned up on their door with a new one in the boot, one hour later it's in and working.

Son to me.
'Thanks so much, she's got really stressed about it, it seems like everything's gone wrong today...can I pay you £20 a week for it ?'
'No....it's ok, you just can't do without one with kids, we remember how hard it was with a young family...let's call it a late housewarming present'

We both work, we can easily afford it, they're struggling...why wouldn't you ?

 

[Sandra6]

They've recently started making me leave my bike in a shed outside -I know right?!!! - anyway, went to unlock it today and the paint repair blokes were still working.
Bloke 1 - Isn't that bike a bit big for a woman like you?
Me - Isn't that a bit sexist and rude for a bloke like you?!
Bloke 1 - No, I didn't mean it like that, but it's a bit big isn't it?
Me - This bike is exactly the right size for me.
Bloke 2 - laughs - He's scottish
Bloke 1 - No, I just didn't expect a woman to come out and get it.
Me - A woman like me? I'm not sure how to take that, but never mind.
Bloke 1 - Enjoy your wee ride home.