Got fired from my job today.

[Dayvo]

I wanted to be an actor in porn films, but I didn't want to fluff my lines.

 

[tyred]

I used to work for glass manufacturer but I was shattered.

 

[Dayvo]

I wanted to work as an extra, but I was surplus to requirements.

 

[tyred]

I used to work for Coca-Cola but it had lost it's fizz.

 

[Dayvo]

I was thrown out of the bank today because I left a small deposit after withdrawing.

 

[Paulus]

I was a magicians assistant, but the magic didn't last long

 

[Dayvo]

I made my fortune by making sweets, but I never thought I'd make a mint.

 

[c2c]

couple of weeks back my workmate and i were riding home as usual, we left the road and carried on along a ring road cycle path when, mark my suprise, we nearly t boned a deer and its baby deer. anyway we exchanged a "phew that was close", and carried on. anyways up i was re-telling the story the next day at the smoke shelter, (i dont smoke but was having a coffee break there), quite a few of the lads were listening intently to my interesting narrative when a wag pipes up and says. "hey chrissy funny you should be talking about that but a bloke in the pub tried to sell me 4 legs of venison", so i say "did you buy it then". you know whats coming dont you. and he says " no cos it was too dear". 2 deer.get it. now im not normally slow, 20 years of banter in a factory deems it so, but i was caught there and rinsed relentlessly for the rest of the shift.....................

 

[TVC]

I used to perform circumcisions, but the whole business just turned out to be a rip off.

 

[Dayvo]

TVC had to be circumcised, but he said it was no skin off his nose!

Oops! Wrong thread!

 

[Aperitif]

I used to be a glazier but I was in pane.

I used to be a glazier but people could see right through me.

That's a double glazing post.

 

[threebikesmcginty]

I was once employed by the flatulence research authority.
Anyway we were overstaffed, there was too many of us so they let one go.

 

[Aperitif]

I used to work for the duvet company - until they started downsizing...

 

[slowmotion]

I used to be a mid-wife but there was a contraction.

 

[Arch]

I used to be an osteologist, but they cut back to a skeleton staff...