Got fired from my job today.

[Baggy]

I used to work as a Monopoly board-designer, but they gave me the boot.

 

[oliglynn]

I did 5 years in prison and was recently released into the community and I was fortunate to get a job in a solarium. However I was let go pretty quickly when they discovered my shady past.

I then set myself up as a window cleaner, but soon stopped when I lost my rag.

Shortly after that I moved to Germany and got a job working in a cake shop, but was dismissed over an incident involving stollen property.

 

[slowmotion]

I was a professional poker player but they gave me my cards.

 

[trustysteed]

i used to work in a bike shop until they caught me peddling stock

 

[slowmotion]

I lost my job in the pillow factory.... I'm stuffed...

 

[slowmotion]

I used to be an osteologist, but they cut back to a skeleton staff...

...yeah, budgets are being slashed to the bone...

 

[Aperitif]

I heard that I will get the sack from my job at BP - there was a leaked memo...all's not well. However, a future job as the oil platform carpenter awaits, and could be the death of me - when rigger mortice is required...

 

[Fnaar]

i used to be a baker but couldn't make enough bread to pay the bills.

I bet you kneaded the dough, though

 

[Fnaar]

I used to be a sewage worker, but it was a pile of cr@p

 

[trustysteed]

i used to own an oil company but had to retire due to problems with
my BP

 

[Riding in Circles]

I guy walked into the shop today, he had just been given the sack, he is the postman.

 

[Speicher]

I used to have a job in a museum, putting up the pictures. I was accused of stealing one of them, but I was framed.

 

[Fnaar]

I was an underwear salesman, but it was pants

I did vasectomies, but I got the sack

 

[Speicher]

I worked at a DIY shop. They thought I had stolen some large rolls of sticky tape. They deducted the cost from my wages.

 

[threebikesmcginty]

I stole a ladder when I worked at the DIY shop then they took steps to remove me.