Money Saving Hints and Tips

[Drago]

Are you Chairman of a large broadcaster and want to save money on wages for your top 'talent', but don't want to risk the expensive legal battle that will ensue if you sack them?

Easy! Simply fabricate evidence of an unsavoury private life and they'll be out the door in no time. With luck you probably wont even have to make anything up!

 

[markemark]

Save money hiring a Status Quo tribute band by hiring Status Quo instead.

 

[markemark]

Save the country a huge amount by rejoining the EU…..

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Wear mismatched socks forever so you never buy replacements.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Walk backwards to confuse your fitness tracker into giving refunds.

 

[Drago]

Gravy granules make a delicious and inexpensive coffee substitute. Add a dollop of shaving foam if you prefer cappuccino.

 

[Electric_Andy]

During the pea and green bean processing seasons around the 1980s where I used to work they (well some used to) smoke dried bean leaves that scattered the factory
I tried once.. that was once too many.
Desperation can drive people to desperate things eh ?

Me and my mate used to steal herbal tea from his mum, roll it up and smoke it. We then moved on to picking up fag butts and emptying the 4 or 5 remnants into a rizla

 

[Electric_Andy]

Always have a dump at work rather than at home. That way you save on bog roll and actually get paid for it too.

I had a manager at the Co-Op who actually used to do that on purpose

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

This thread so reminds me...I used to love Viz

That's because a lot of the posts (mine anyway) are trying to (or appear to) mimic it (albeit probably not very well).

 

[fossyant]

Gravy granules make a delicious and inexpensive coffee substitute. Add a dollop of shaving foam if you prefer cappuccino.

One cannot compromise on coffee. Coffee granules are bad, so gravy will do if you drink instant.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Winter heating expenses too much?

Why, why not take up arson?!

Not only will you heat up from your fires, but when you are arrested and sent to prison, you will save even more money as it wont be you paying for it, it'll be his majesty, and what's more, he finds it a pleasure to do so for you!

 

[Drago]

Do you run an army? Think you know better than anyone else? Want to save a few shekels? Easy!

When its time to buy a new APC/Recce/Fighting vehicle, go to an established manufacturer of a tried, tested and respected product, and buy theirs.

But instead of having this wonderful off-the-shelf vehicle, insist on over 1200, often competing and contradicory, specification changes. This will ruin the original excellent product, rendering them more or less unusable.

The beauty of this method is that you waste your money up front so you know how much you'll be in the hole for before you even take delivery, and you'll more than recoup this outlay further down the line when you save £££ billions by being unable to go and fight a war.

 

[Punkawallah]

Take sheets of toilet paper from establishments, then return them once used for flushing to avoid charges of theft.

 

[Tenkaykev]

Avoid paying for water infrastructure maintenance and upgrades by borrowing Billions from the banks and paying it out to shareholders as dividends.

 

[Mike Ayling]

Avoid paying for water infrastructure maintenance and upgrades by borrowing Billions from the banks and paying it out to shareholders as dividends.

OTOH your pension fund probably is invested in such utilities