True Facts About Chris Rea

[DRM]

Disaster struck this week when Chris Rea was booked, along with the Toyota Prius Time Taxi for a food shopping order delivery from the the Kashmir International Food Store, on Abingdon Rd Middlesbrough, unfortunately the Cars GPS system took him to the actual Kashmir Region on the Indian Sub Continent where a couple of auberge field explosions seem to have started a war between India & Pakistan, luckily Chris got back to Middlesbrough, & was able to make the urgent delivery of ingredients to an Indian Takeaway in Redcar

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea this week brokered a trade deal between the UK and the US.

The reduction of the tariffs from 25% to 10% on the plutonium required to power the TURDIS was one in the eye for French plutonium retailers.

 

[DRM]

The Rea Building Company has today submitted a quote to refurbish Alcatraz, on seeing the price, President Trump, after being brought round by use of a defibrillator & smelling salts, immediately announced a 3800% tariff on all goods & services from Teesside, Chris Rea feels certain Donald Trump will change his mind tomorrow

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea is the 12th husband of Coronation Street's Gail Tilsley.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

The reduction of the tariffs from 25% to 10% on the plutonium required to power the TURDIS was one in the eye for French plutonium retailers.

Chris avoids tariffs by buying all his latest plutonium from the 1990s.

 

[Fnaar]

"Chris Rea" is an anagram of "Liz Truss" 👍

 

[Fnaar]

The script for Mrs Brown's Boys pilot show was found in Chris Rea's toilet cistern at his holiday home in Ouagadougou

 

[Fnaar]

Joe Biden is Chris Rea's wife's grandmother

 

[Drago]

In terms of chronological age Joe Biden is only 26 years old.

However, too many time journeys with Chris Rea in the TURDIS have aged him terribly.

 

[lazybloke]

Chris Rea has had to cancel all his Italy tour dates after a recent kerfuffle....

A fire in the aubergium silos forced the The Turdis into an emergency landing on a Rome rooftop last week. As the fire raged, black smoke billowed from a vent, causing a murmur of disappointment from the piazza below.
Chris Rea emerged, misunderstood the concern of the assembled crowd and proclaimed "It's okay, no-one died".

 

[DRM]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cy5ell3gkxvo
Chris Rea has decided to put in a counter bid, to loan an Aircraft to the U.S President Donald Trump, to replace Air Force One, Chris said the temporary loan of a 1959 De Havilland Chipmunk, that he acquired directly from the R.A.F on it's release from service, and is undergoing a full restoration in his garden shed/man cave, with Mr Rea volunteering his services as pilot for the U.S President.
in a statement Chris Rea said, "They'd be a fool to turn down such a generous offer, & I have plans to grow a handlebar moustache to go with my leather flying jacket"

 

[Drago]

The fabled escape pod in the high octane action flick, Air Force One, is actually modelled on the TURDIS.

Chris Rea also acted as stunt co-ordinator on the film, but his no-holds-barred ultra realistic approach led to several stunt men dying at his hands and Rea ended up using the pod to escape the police as they arrived on set.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Back in the late 1980s, during a break from touring, Chris Rea supposedly entered a local amateur pizza-making competition in Naples under the pseudonym "Cristiano Rinaldi." According to the tale, he wowed the judges not just with his surprisingly authentic dough and sauce, but also with a bluesy little tune he'd hum while kneading. The locals were so charmed by "Cristiano" and his pizza that he almost considered staying and opening a small trattoria before his manager tracked him down, reminding him about his upcoming European tour. The legend goes that one of the judges, a wizened old pizzaiolo, still claims that "Cristiano's" Margherita was the most soulful pizza he'd ever tasted.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Chris is also hoping to sell his home built hypersonic portaloo, powered by natural exhaust gases.

the engine room

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea's fusion powered bidet was taken out of service due to its extreme power catching some users unawares as they polished their ring.

No one is entirely sure who the last user may have been, although rumours are that Terry Wogan never required a toupee prior to visiting Chris Raa's house for curry and poker night.