True Facts About Chris Rea

[Drago]

Chris Rea has accepted a police caution after blasting past Keir Starmer's house in the TURDIS with thr afterburners on full.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

I heard the charges wouldn't stick anyway. Something about the Turdis using laxatives for a shield.

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea has been trying to persuade the North East Land, Sea & Air Museum to let him have Avro Vulcan B2 XL319, he has already been back in time in the Turdis to work out how to acquire new engines, and other parts from the factory, go back to the museum and fit the parts, the initial plan is to taxi out on to the industrial estate road, join the A19 Northbound & take off before reaching the Tyne Tunnel, once airborne he will turn round & do a couple of low passes over the Nissan Car Plant, with the terrifying "Vulcan Howl" as Nissan refused a warranty repair on his good mate Roy "Chubby" Browns Nissan Micra, the museum manager told him to "clear off ya daft b*gg#r"

 

[PeteXXX]

Chris Rea, disguised as Eberechi Eze, scored the winning goal for Crystal Palace in yesterday's FA Cup.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea held a press conference to tell the world about his plans for TURDIS landing centres in various EU countries, but to his greet embarrassment the president of Albania said "not here you won't, matey."

 

[lazybloke]

As Chris Rea navigated the Turdis across Europe yesterday evening, a low pass over Basel caused the auberge field to flip a few memory bits in the Eurovision computers, making it appear that the United Kingdom scored some points!

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea's Turdis appearance at the Brooklyn Bridge, in New York City, and an Auberge Field explosion, took out the visiting Mexican Navy's Training Ship, Cuauhtemoc's, engines & power, just as the Captain was maneuvering the vessel, causing the ship to hit the bridge.
Chris Rea, when asked about the incident said "It's nowt to do with me, I reckon the Captain's the Mexican version of Uncle Albert Trotter"
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c991n8p4pdyo

 

[stephec]

The FA Cup final will revert back to its traditional 15:00 start time next year because Chris Rea says so.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea's TURDIS recently failed its MOT at a garage in Kentucky due to excessive Auberge Field emissions.

The tester suggested that a quick Italian Tune Up might resolve the issue, although residents weren't best pleased at the resulting tornadoes.

 

[DRM]

Archeological experts are now even more baffled, as having believed that they had found the worlds oldest song, carved on a rock at Seaton Carew beach, they have managed to date it to around 90,000 years old, yet this very primitive form of guitar tab has eventually been worked out by several musical scholars, and is actually Chris Rea’s “On The Beach” what they don’t yet know is that Chris Rea went back to Neanderthal times, where he helped a tribe living on the coast of North East England build stringed instruments and taught them how to play them, one particularly gifted Neanderthal, called Bongum, quickly picked the required skills, so Chris Rea taught him some songs, for a Neanderthal Beach rave, he even showed him how to play Black Sabbaths Iron Man, even though they have no clue what iron actually is

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea has announced his intention to run for Mayor of Carmel, California, so he can overturn the ridiculous ban on Newkie Brown in the high street.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea has fallen afoul of Mr T after opening the TURDIS door against the A Team van and leaving a small dent. Rea was able to escape by locking Mr T in a barn full of machine tools, welding equipment, and an old Sherman Tank.

 

[postman]

Sunderland are still trapped inside the Wembley changing room,after their victory over Sheffield United.Chris Rea a Middlesborough supporter is still in the corridor demanding a VAR review of the disallowed Sheffield goal.The ref was smuggled out in a wicker clothes basket and is believed to be in hiding in the Gaza strip.Why he is wearing Paul Gascoigne's old football clothing is anyones guess.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea has done a deal for an old Vauxhall Omega as he wants to swap the V6 into TURDIS to replace then tired old Ford Pinto

The press have misinterpreted this as Rea having done a sponsorship deal with Omega, and he has this been touted as the favourite to be the next James Bond.

 

[DRM]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c20xvnge3qno
Chris Rea has packed his holiday gear in to the Time Transit, in which has taken himself & Mrs Rea to the South of France for the Bank Holiday weekend, however the Auberge Field in the Time Transit has on Saturday and Sunday blown up two seperate power substations, in Cannes & Nice, French Police suspect a malicous act, however they have no understanding of Mr Rea's time travel disasters, full details of the trouble Chris Rea's trip have caused are detaled on the BBC News link above