True Facts About Ross Kemp
- Thread starter Drago
- Start date
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OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Ross Kemp models himself on Telly Savalas' portrayal of Blofeld in OHMSS.
DRM
Guru
- Location
- West Yorks
When Ross Kemp was a child, he managed to get the "Clackers" toy banned, as he got them to clack so fast, the string broke, sending lethal hard plastic balls into the air like missiles, or they would shatter like an airburst bomb, with deadly concequences!
Mad Doug Biker
Banned from every bar in the Galaxy
- Location
- Craggy Island
Ross Kemp is being sent to Ethiopia to tell that volcano to
"Shut it you ponce!!"
"Shut it you ponce!!"
Last edited:
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Jason Statham is a clone of Ross Kemp, created by thr British government as a back-up in case anything should happen to the national treasure.
Unfortunately, he was created during the early days of cloning and there are some flaws, most notably a very poor quality Murican accent.
Ross Kemp himself is quite chilled about his clones success in the US, adding that theyre a bunch of ponces and wouldn't be able to handle the real deal.
Unfortunately, he was created during the early days of cloning and there are some flaws, most notably a very poor quality Murican accent.
Ross Kemp himself is quite chilled about his clones success in the US, adding that theyre a bunch of ponces and wouldn't be able to handle the real deal.
DRM
Guru
- Location
- West Yorks
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/videos/cy5gn3vpxpno
Ross Kemp is currently on a cycle tour of Australia, however things went awry, when he set up camp for the night West of Sydney, and jerry rigged his Ali Express battery assist Flying Pigeon bike to a lamp post to charge it up, police are looking for information of the whereabouts of a bald Pommie, in bibshorts and a leather jacket
Ross Kemp is currently on a cycle tour of Australia, however things went awry, when he set up camp for the night West of Sydney, and jerry rigged his Ali Express battery assist Flying Pigeon bike to a lamp post to charge it up, police are looking for information of the whereabouts of a bald Pommie, in bibshorts and a leather jacket
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Ross Kemp appeared in all 56 series of The Professionals as agent Brent Hardman.
Producers loved working with him because he wore the same leather jacket from start to finish, which was good for both continuity and costs.
Producers loved working with him because he wore the same leather jacket from start to finish, which was good for both continuity and costs.
DRM
Guru
- Location
- West Yorks
Coming soon to T.V, Ross Kemp has been hired to do the Voiceover for a new version of "A Christmas Carol" where he is teaming up with Chris Rea, who courtesy of the Turdis, will be the Ghost's of Christmas Past, Present & Future, they plan to visit Donald "Ebenezer" Trump and film him being taken to his past, present & future, in a real life reality show, should be compelling viewing, as it'll probably all end up as a complete disaster
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Ross Kemp is so hard he ignores "no cold callers" signs when doing his Betterware rounds.
accountantpete
OAP
The Ann Summers "Ross Kemp Doll" is the suprise big online seller this Chistmas.
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
The furry dice in Ross Kemp's Ford Capri 3.0 Ghia are made from the testicles of those who fail to settle their Queen Vice bar tab.
accountantpete
OAP
Ross Kemp had to take an aspirin when someone used the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique on him.
Dogtrousers
Lefty tighty. Get it righty.
Young lions in the jungle say they want to grow up to be Ross Kemp tamers.
