True Facts About Ross Kemp

[DRM]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/formula1/articles/czrk61y2nyjo
The BBC are reporting that a tearful Lando Norris has become F1 Champion, and his McLaren team are winners of the constructers title, however these were probably tears of relief, as he has known all year that Ross Kemp put £1000 on that being the result at the end of the season, and was dreading letting him down, due to "consequences" if it didn't happen

 

[Drago]

Christian Horner was sacked at team principle of Red Bull Racing after a drunken incident at the Queen Vice where he made a pass at Sharon.

Ross Kemp got straight on thr blower to head office and told them that if the "hoity toity ponce" wasn't dismissed then someone would be getting a Chelsea Smile.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Ross Kemp is to star in a gritty new drama where he is a psychologist.

Unfortunately, he insisted on training to be a real psychologist himself specially for the role and now, the people who trained him need to be seen by other psychologists, the whole thing was just so harrowing for them!

 

[Drago]

In the recent World Cup draw the Netherlands have been drawn to play Ross Kemp, putting paid to any chance of them winning the tournament.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

In the recent World Cup draw the Netherlands have been drawn to play Ross Kemp, putting paid to any chance of them winning the tournament.

Oi, not fair!! Can he sub for Scotland and play Brazil instead? 🤣

 

[DRM]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/videos/ce91vmp3kplo
Ross Kemps latest business venture seems to be going from strength to strength, Purple Dino Recycling Services, are working hard on behalf of it's latest contract to dispose of unwanted, secret government waste.

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp originally played John McClane in Die Hard.

However, once the film was edited it was realised that Kemp had a) really killed all the guys for real, and b) had done so in just under 6 minutes using only his bare hands and the occasional head butt.

They tried to pad it out by getting Kemp to growl "yippie ki yay mother******" a few times, but Kemp would only shout " ave it, ponces!" and even that only took the film out to 8 minutes.

The film was re shot using Bruce Willis, an American Ross Kemp impersonator. Ross Kemp left the set in a sulk taking his leather jacket with him, forcing Willis to wear only a vest for the entire shoot.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Ross was crossing the road when a driver tried not to stop. The car is a write off and the driver is currently being operated on to remove a catalytic converter.

 

[DRM]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/videos/ce91vmp3kplo
Ross Kemps latest business venture seems to be going from strength to strength, Purple Dino Recycling Services, are working hard on behalf of it's latest contract to dispose of unwanted, secret government waste.

It appears that Ross Kemps Purple Dino Recycling Services have opened a branch in Bristol
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cj69x3w8p1go
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/england/bristol

 

[Drago]

Last year Ross Kemp caught a fat man in a red outfit burgling the Queen Vice via the chimney. Kemp beat the perp to death and the body now props up the new Walford flyover.

On an unrelated note police are still trying to trace the owner of a sleigh and reindeer team found abandoned in Albert Square last Christmas.

 

[accountantpete]

Ross Kemp does not go round the Cape Horn.

The Cape Horn goes round Ross Kemp.

 

[Drago]

The new Ross Kemp range of leather condoms goes on sale on Monday, a pack of three costing a score.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Every time Ross Kemp posts a Mankini picture, the world stops fighting for at least 20 minutes, such is the universal level of disgust.

The UN and NATO have tried to persuade him to do it more often as it very probably would bring about world peace, but he's no Tart, and besides, what utter ponce keeps leaking the pictures anyway? They are for Sharon's eyes only... ONLY!!

 

[raleighnut]

Ross Kemp has diversified from selling Mankini's into Diamonte encrusted 'Budgie Smugglers', both Julian Clary and Reggie 'tinkler' Dwight have a pair

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemps loins are so mighty at on the beach he wear a G rope.