True Facts About Ross Kemp

[PeteXXX]

Carlos Fandango has Ross Kemp spotlights on his Lotus Cortina Mk2 🏁

 

[Drago]

The Kray twins have been signed to star in The Kemps.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

A vaccine for poncitus has been developed from Ross Kemp’s blood. It is being trialled in the House of Lords, and will be rolled out across the nobility if successful.

 

[DRM]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c1dz0g2ykpeo
The U.S.A may insist visitors to the country hand over 5 years of social media history, Ross Kemp has rung Trump and told him in no uncertain terms the he will demand 10 years of his social media history, or else face my fury, when he goes to support England as the lead on the Queen Vice Jolly Boys Outing to the World Cup

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Ross Kemp has insisted that visitors to the UK must have 5 years of watching East Enders before they are let in.

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp is launching his new social media app.

K will be available for download on windows phones and the Nokia N95 from January.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Ross Kemp has cancelled all public engagements and is recovering in a clinic suffering from OPD (Obsessive Poncey Disorder)

He caught himself inadvertently extending his pinky finger while drinking a mug of tea (strong, with five sugars) He is now concerned that he is becoming a bit of a ponce.

A medical spokesman said "We tried hypnotherapy, but unfortunately we put him in touch with his inner ponce, and he kicked his own head in"

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp has been announced as the new presenter of Top Gear.

The show has been reconfigured as a consumer programne, with sketch scenes, light chat with special guests, and in depth reviews of leather jackts, coshes, and shotgun hacksaws.

 

[DRM]

Coming soon to T.V, Ross Kemp has been hired to do the Voiceover for a new version of "A Christmas Carol" where he is teaming up with Chris Rea, who courtesy of the Turdis, will be the Ghost's of Christmas Past, Present & Future, they plan to visit Donald "Ebenezer" Trump and film him being taken to his past, present & future, in a real life reality show, should be compelling viewing, as it'll probably all end up as a complete disaster

This new T.V programme is now on indefinite hold, as disaster struck when Ross Kemp & Chris Rea loaded up the Turdis with all their equipment, however the Turdis got it wrong, again & took them to Bethlehem in Year 0, where Ross Kemp & Chris Rea ended up visiting the baby Jesus, however one of the three wisemen got a bit stroppy, so Ross Kemp head butted him, punched the other, and the third ran away, so history now tells us that 2 wise men brought baby Jesus gifts of Frankincense, Myrrh & a Leather Jacket!

 

[Drago]

Every year, late at night on Christmas eve, Ross Kemp descends down Father Christmas' chimney and leaves a severed horses head under the tree.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

When Ross Kemp was Curling for the Gold in the Winter Olympics, his sweepers just stood alongside and watched, whilst he shouted at the stones to do what he wanted... Or else!

Even Bruce Mouat was impressed!

The stones earmarked for Cortina are already terrified of him.

 

[stephec]

Ross Kemp didn't audition for Eastenders, Eastenders auditioned for him.

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp was sadly disqualified from the shot put event at the 2012 Olympics in an annoying technicality.

Kemp and his trainers were surprised to find there was indeed a specific rule about using a standard 16lb shot and not a live fragmentation grenade.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Ross Kemp was sadly disqualified from the shot put event at the 2012 Olympics in an annoying technicality.

Kemp and his trainers were surprised to find there was indeed a specific rule about using a standard 16lb shot and not a live fragmentation grenade.

He trains using 40lb Curling stones too!

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

It isn't well known, but Copper wire was actually invented after a fight between Ross Kemp and Steve Mc Fadden over a penny.

The poor shop keeper still has nighmares about being chased by a couple of snooker balls...