Way-Out-West
Well-Known Member
- Location
- Pinno's attic
Geoff Capes retired from the World’s Strongest Man when he witnessed Ross Kemp juggling the Atlas stones.
Last edited:
True Facts About Ross Kemp
- Thread starter Drago
- Start date
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Ross Kemp was signed up to play James Bond, but when it came to film the opening scene where he falls into a swimming pool full of sharks it all went wrong as, at the very moment when he was due to fall into the water, the sharks jumped out and ran away.
With a tight filming schedule the producers were straight on the phone to Daniel Craig, and the rest is history.
With a tight filming schedule the producers were straight on the phone to Daniel Craig, and the rest is history.
DRM
Guru
- Location
- West Yorks
not many people know this, but the song, "The Devil Went Down To Georgia" is based on true events, Old Nick did appear in Georgia looking for a soul to steal, however he made a grave error when he approached the first person he came across, a certain Ross Kemp, who took The Devil up on his fiddle challenge, however it all went badly when Ross out played him, chased him down the street, hitting the Devil with his violin, then inserting the bow into Beelzebub's bottom, it's no wonder that The Devil tries to harm every human he now comes across, also the reason why Didi, the Tour de France Devil leaps up & down like a madman, is that his act is an accurate representation of Ross violating The Devils posterior
Mad Doug Biker
Banned from every bar in the Galaxy
- Location
- Craggy Island
If Ross Kemp ever actually reads this thread, then the universe will cease to exist and he will then spend an eternity bullying the remaining nothingness that will exist around him.
teeonethousand
Über Member
Ross Kemp was once asked to stand on the White Cliffs of Dover and stare out across the channel.....not sure why
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Hitlers famous kommando order of 1942 decreed that any german personnel fleeing an armed incursion by Ross Kemp will be issued with a weeks supply of valium and fresh underwear.
Mad Doug Biker
Banned from every bar in the Galaxy
- Location
- Craggy Island
Some people say that he's still there and that even the seagulls do not fly within 500 feet of him.
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
To ensure aircraft safety the Civil Aviation Authority have imposed a 5km radius no-fly zone around Ross Kemp
DRM
Guru
- Location
- West Yorks
Ross Kemp once visited Morecambe Beach, that is why the sea is such a long way out, as the tide is still too scared to come in
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Andy McNab has a poster of Ross Kemp on his bedroom wall.
Hover Fly
He, him, his
- Location
- Besides the lake, beneath the trees
teeonethousand
Über Member
Ross Kemp is being recognised by naming a new element, Kemponium after him. Kemponium is said to be ultra hard and able to repel weaker elements with a single stare. That is the truth!
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
In the 1970s Volvo bumpers used the same engineering principles as Ross Kemp's fists, and the leather on the GLE seats was from jackets discarded by the eponymous hard man. Thus Volvo were the safest cars on the road.
Ming the Merciless
There is no mercy
- Location
- Inside my skull
In 1979 Ross Kemp was launched into space to deflect an asteroid. Ross deflected it with his little finger, and all life on Earth was saved. Hollywood made a film about it, starring Bruce Willis, but deviated significantly from the truth.
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
It is commonly believed that Hiroshima was target of a nuclear weapon in 1945.
This is incorrect.
Kemp had been working undercover for the US army and wa in a sushi bar when he overheard one of the locals say something unkind about Barbara Windsor.
A furious Kemp challenged the man, who refused to apologise. An almighty fight ensured resulting in widespread devastation and the death of 70,000 Japanese Coronation Street fans.
His cover now blown, Kemp went on the run and holed up in Nagasaki while awaiting extraction.
News of Kemp working for the US would have caused a major diplomatic incident so the American government went to elaborate lengths to fabricate a story about the atom bomb.
Coincidentally, Kemp's fists have "love" and "hate" tattooed across the knuckles, which in Japanese translates as Fat Man and Little Boy.
This is incorrect.
Kemp had been working undercover for the US army and wa in a sushi bar when he overheard one of the locals say something unkind about Barbara Windsor.
A furious Kemp challenged the man, who refused to apologise. An almighty fight ensured resulting in widespread devastation and the death of 70,000 Japanese Coronation Street fans.
His cover now blown, Kemp went on the run and holed up in Nagasaki while awaiting extraction.
News of Kemp working for the US would have caused a major diplomatic incident so the American government went to elaborate lengths to fabricate a story about the atom bomb.
Coincidentally, Kemp's fists have "love" and "hate" tattooed across the knuckles, which in Japanese translates as Fat Man and Little Boy.
