True Facts About Ross Kemp

[accountantpete]

In the Ross Kemp remake of Titanic the iceberg sank

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp's leather jackets are made from the skins of his vanquished enemies.

 

[Moon bunny]

Ross Kemp never goes anywhere without his emotional support hamster.

 

[lazybloke]

Ross Kemp is now saddled with a 5 year contract as the face of "The Bidet Store".

He has sacked his agent.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

If Ross Kemp had been involved with the Dambusters Raid.

... And yes, he'd have been the one with the squeaky voice:

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/16n7zpGzv6/?mibextid=wwXIfr

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

When Ross was 'down the Louvre', he stared at the Mona Lisa so much that she finally revealed who she actually was out of sheer intimidation.

 

[DRM]

Whilst filming his TV series Ross Kemp in Afghanistan, he was captured by 4 Taliban fighters, who made the dreadful mistake of sneaking up on him whilst he was having a quick "Jimmy Riddle" behind a tree, after making himself respectable, Ross Kemp quickly pushed his fingers into the barrels of their AK47's which misfired leaving the Taliban scorched & blackened, he then chased them all the way back to Camp Bastion where they were treated for shock, flash burns & exhaustion, the producers thought they might be in trouble with the MOD, but the British C.O had to accept Ross Kemps award, and was last seen cleaning the toilets, spud bashing & washing up

 

[accountantpete]

Ross Kemp might go"down the Louvre" but he loves going "Up The Arsenal"

 

[Drago]

The US invaded Afghanistan because Dubya heard rumours that the Taliban had called Ross Kemp a "ponce."

 

[DRM]

The “Hard Man” attributes are genetically passed down the male side of the Kemp family, for example Ross Kemps grandad was a spy in WW2 in Japan, after a night of boozing on sake, and guzzling wasabi coated nuts at. The Emperor’s Arms in Hiroshima , he thought it would be funny to show the locals his party trick, of putting a lit match to his f*rts, we all know what happened next, undeterred he did the same thing in Nagasaki a couple of days later, he was known as AGENT Enola Gay, as nobody would associate Mr Kemp Senior with that name

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp's hard-man jeans and leather jacket look is so iconic Marlon Brando copied it for The Wild Ones.

Indeed, many have been inspired by Ross Kemp's iconic look. A certain multi tool was to be marketed as JML Magic Pliers until one of the PR men, a huge Kemp admirer, came up with the name "Leatherman."

Gene Hackman, himself a hard man of some repute, shaved his head in honour of Kemp to play Lex Luthor, and even the SAS refer to a bar fight as "doing a Ross."

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

People attribute the inspiration of the story of Moses parting the waves to have actually been a tsunami, but it was really Ross Kemp when he had his time machine.

 

[accountantpete]

Ross Kemp was the wisest of the Three Wise Men - he ditched the Myrrh and brought Bitcoin instead.

 

[lazybloke]

People attribute the inspiration of the story of Moses parting the waves to have actually been a tsunami, but it was really Ross Kemp when he had his time machine.

Here we go again

 

[lazybloke]

When Ross Kemp and Chris Rea get together, they play "Time machine top trumps"