True Facts About Ross Kemp

[Drago]

During the Falklands war FAA pilots had a picture of Ross Kemp in a swimsuit and high heels painted on the nose of their Sea Harriers. This struck fear into the hearts of Argentinian pilots, who would turn their Sopwith Camels for home upon seen Ross Kemp thus approaching.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

During WWII Ross Kemp did his bit fighting the hun by inhaling helium and using himself as a barrage balloon.

It is not well known, but when he speaks, Ross Kemp can only be heard by cats and dogs.

He has to constantly inhale helium just to lower his voice!

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

When Ross Kemp was 'down the Paris Metro once, a tire on the train burst (yes, tires!:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rubber-tyred_metro)

Ever the one for service, even towards those poncey 'Frogs', he wrapped himself around the remains and worked as a wheel for the rest of the day!

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp was involved in the 1944 plot to kill Hitler.

Kemp had plotted with Queen Vic regular, old mono-hand Staffenbourg, to plant a bomb in Hitler's briefing room.

The plan went awry when Kemp realised he needed to keep some dynamite aside to blow a safe, so Hitler's bomb wasn't as powerful as required.

Learning of Von Staffenbourg's fate left Kemp most upset. "Stupid ponce left a £400 bar tab unpaid," he is reported to have said. "It's not like I'll get any money back selling his gloves on Ebay- every slag wants a pair these days."

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

After his exploits in saving the day on the Paris Metro (see my previous post), Ross Kemp has free entry to Disneyland Paris, any time he likes, gifted from a grateful French nation!

 

[accountantpete]

A jailed notorious American cult leader and mass murderer has changed his name to Ross Kemp

 

[Dogtrousers]

Ross Kemp has thousands of gnome-style statues of himself in the extensive grounds that surround his mansion.

 

[Drago]

Rosa Kemp has a tattoo of Ross Kemp on his left buttock.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Rosa Kemp has a tattoo of Ross Kemp on his left buttock.

More accurately, Ross Kemp has a tattoo of Ross Kemp's left buttock on his left buttock. The tattoo depicts the tattoo of Ross Kemp's left buttock on Ross Kemp's left buttock. If you examine the tattoo of the tattoo of Ross Kemp's left buttock on Ross Kemp's left buttock you can see an image of the tattoo of Ross Kemp's left buttock that Ross Kemp has on his left buttock.

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp moisturises with Castrol GTX.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Ross Kemp says Izal toilet paper is for weak people. He uses a wire brush.

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp cleans his teeth with Autosol.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Ross Kemp shaves with a samurai sword.

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemps leather jacket is so tight he had to leave the SAS due to it being a breach of the Geneva Convention.

 

[DRM]

Ross Kemp says Izal toilet paper is for weak people. He uses a wire brush.

Not only that, Ross Kemp has been compared Izal Toilet Paper, the likeness is uncanny as neither Izal or Ross Kemp take sh*t from anybody!