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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
According to legend, you can only be a cockney if you're born within earshot of Ross Kemp.
True Facts About Ross Kemp
- Thread starter Drago
- Start date
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accountantpete
OAP
Here's Ross Kemp doing the old Darth Vader "No, I am your father" routine to Prince Harry..
DRM
Guru
- Location
- West Yorks
Kim Jong Un has designed one of his nuclear missiles to be the same outline as Ross Kemp, on launch it shouts “Gerroff my launcher” and when it’s just about to hit the target it shouts “Ave it!”
- Location
- Inside my skull
When Ross Kemp‘s phone started playing the emergency alert, he stared it his phone and it went to silent, and the sound started playing on the loud speakers in No 10.
OP
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
The decimal system was introduced as the government was under pressure from Ross Kemp to do something about "the poncey coins.'
Way-Out-West
Senior Member
- Location
- Pinno's attic
When Ross Kemp receives parcels with a FRAGILE label, he throws them straight in the bin.
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Ross Kemp worked briefly of Evri and holds the company record for distance of a parcel throw ovfer a fence, a mighty 1107 metres. Not bad for a 16lb bowling ball.
Dogtrousers
Kilometre nibbler
Ross Kemp was genetically engineered by the Pillsbury Baked Goods Corporation. He may be feared as a monster but, like Pinocchio and the Terminator, he just wants to be loved.
OP
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Like Dr Who, at the point of impending death Ross Kemp regenerates into a new body.
Unlike the Doctor, Ross Kemp's new body is always exactly the same as the old one.
Unlike the Doctor, Ross Kemp's new body is always exactly the same as the old one.
OP
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Believe it or not I am not responsible for this wonderful compendium of Ross Kemp true facts...
https://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/Ross_Kemp
https://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/Ross_Kemp
accountantpete
OAP
Ross Kemp is the new Foreign secretary and is preparing forsome megaphone diplomacy
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OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
The megaphone was invented to moderate Ross Kemp's shouty voice down to conventional shouting levels.
Dogtrousers
Kilometre nibbler
Ross Kemp has very hairy feet. Like a hobbit.
Way-Out-West
Senior Member
- Location
- Pinno's attic
Ross Kemp likes to fly stowaway class- unpressurised, amongst the landing gear, in shorts and muscle vest. “A perfect start to any holiday”’.
Dogtrousers
Kilometre nibbler
Ross Kemp is really good at impersonations. His Frank Spencer is particularly good. "Oooh Betty. You slag."
