True Facts About Ross Kemp

[Drago]

Ross Kemp worked briefly of Evri and holds the company record for distance of a parcel throw ovfer a fence, a mighty 1107 metres. Not bad for a 16lb bowling ball.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Ross Kemp was genetically engineered by the Pillsbury Baked Goods Corporation. He may be feared as a monster but, like Pinocchio and the Terminator, he just wants to be loved.

 

[Drago]

Like Dr Who, at the point of impending death Ross Kemp regenerates into a new body.

Unlike the Doctor, Ross Kemp's new body is always exactly the same as the old one.

 

[Drago]

Believe it or not I am not responsible for this wonderful compendium of Ross Kemp true facts...

https://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/Ross_Kemp

 

[accountantpete]

Ross Kemp is the new Foreign secretary and is preparing forsome megaphone diplomacy

 

[Drago]

The megaphone was invented to moderate Ross Kemp's shouty voice down to conventional shouting levels.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Ross Kemp has very hairy feet. Like a hobbit.

 

[Way-Out-West]

Ross Kemp likes to fly stowaway class- unpressurised, amongst the landing gear, in shorts and muscle vest. “A perfect start to any holiday”’.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Ross Kemp is really good at impersonations. His Frank Spencer is particularly good. "Oooh Betty. You slag."

 

[Way-Out-West]

Due to his rich diet, Ross Kemp is responsible for most of London’s fatbergs.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Ross Kemp is the new Foreign decretary and is preparing forsome megaphone diplomacy

View attachment 786515

Ross Kemp Loud Hailer is east end rhyming slang for Vlad the Impaler

 

[Drago]

During WWII Ross Kemp did his bit fighting the hun by inhaling helium and using himself as a barrage balloon.

 

[DRM]

Ross Kemp was very disappointed to not get the male part in the film, that was made in Bradford, that was to have been called Rita, Sue & Ross Kemp Too

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp is only British soldier to have been awarded the Iron Cross during WWII.

 

[DRM]

During the Falkland’s war, Ross Kemp parachuted from a Vulcan Bomber onto Port Stanley airfield where he punched the runway in several places, rendering it unusable