True Facts About Ross Kemp

[accountantpete]

The Red Arrows fly-past yesterday was for Ross Kemp - luckily the meeting between the King and Donald Trump was on the same flightpath.

 

[DRM]

The biosphere’s at the Eden Project are scaled up replicas of Ross Kemps bonce, however the plan to have the top half of his face on them, so it looked like a giant Ross Kemp was peeping out of the ground was shelved, as it was thought it might scare visitors away

 

[Drago]

Donald Trump is begging Ross Kemp for a state visit to the Queen Vic, but the East End hard man is refusing bedause Trump still hasn't supplied Stormy Daniels mobile number.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Ross Kemp was taking part in the shot put at the World Championships in Tokyo. However, he had to return early as he kept crushing the shot put to dust every time he picked one up.

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp has been arrested for projecting an image ofnthe Queen Vic on Windsor Cadtle.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Barbara Windsor would have been proud of her son. She should have never sold it to the royals “Get out of my castle”

 

[stephec]

Ross Kemp was one of the original members of The Bay City Rollers.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Ross Kemp has the hardest shoot in the world

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp is a cold blooded reptilian, and doesnt become active in the morning until hes been in the sun for half an hour.

 

[DRM]

Ross Kemp is, on the quiet ,a highly qualified computer tech, however he is currently denying that his new Linux OS, called Slag OS was the cause of severe problems at Airports across Europe, as he went online with Heathrow Airports Guest WiFi to check in for his holiday in Benidorm

 

[Way-Out-West]

Ross Kemp's proudest moment was when he single handedly brought down The Red Hand Gang.

 

[accountantpete]

The East German Stasi were quick to poster over the Ross Kemp Is God graffiti on the Berlin Wall but left the Geoff Boycott script unmolested as he was deemed politically insignificant.

 

[DRM]

The East German Stasi were quick to poster over the Ross Kemp Is God graffiti on the Berlin Wall but left the Geoff Boycott script unmolested as he was deemed politically insignificant.

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The "Kilroy Woz Ere" graffiti started in East Berlin, where local youths, and Grenztruppen would see the top of a bald head, eyes and nose peeping over the wall, the name Kilroy was because they misheard Ross Kemp shout "Oi Oi, Saveloy" to them

 

[Dogtrousers]

When Ross Kemp was a kid, he would fly into a rage whenever Humpty appeared on Playschool, shrieking "You slag. Shut your norf and sarf you numpty Umpty!"

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp was hired by the soviets to tert the Berlin wall. Over the years he made 28 successful crossings undetected and by the late 80s the soviets realised they were on to a loser.

This pleased Kemp, who from then on found it so much easier to attend Moscow Dynamo ice hockey games.