Ming the Merciless
There is no mercy
- Location
- Inside my skull
Charles Atlas originally played the part of Lofty, then as he got stronger he played the part of Ross Kemp in the USA version of East Enders.
True Facts About Ross Kemp
- Thread starter Drago
- Start date
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OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
For their latest secret offensive the Ukranian army had been planning to don leather jackets and latex Ross Kemp masks and then charge the Russian lines while shouting, " 'ave it you ponces!"
However, the attack was called off at rhe last minute over fears that the use of such a terrifying level of force may be a breach of the Geneva Convention.
However, a back up plan utilising Steve McFadden masks may still go ahead, although the war cry of "I'll 'ave you Beale!" has yet to be confirmed.
However, the attack was called off at rhe last minute over fears that the use of such a terrifying level of force may be a breach of the Geneva Convention.
However, a back up plan utilising Steve McFadden masks may still go ahead, although the war cry of "I'll 'ave you Beale!" has yet to be confirmed.
Ming the Merciless
There is no mercy
- Location
- Inside my skull
Advance scouts will wear Ian Beale masks, so the enemy is falling about laughing when attacked.
Moon bunny
Judging your grammar
- Location
- Basking in my own brilliance.
Ross Kemp's favorite book is "Mr. Tickle" by Roger Hargreaves.
Ming the Merciless
There is no mercy
- Location
- Inside my skull
It’s rumoured the army is going to be replaced by Ross Kemp. The budget will now be spent on leather jackets. “No camo for me, only ponces hide” he has been quoted as saying.
accountantpete
OAP
Ross Kemp chews Scammell wheel nuts for relaxation
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Tonka toys met their match when Ross Kemp was born.
Within minutes of his birth he'd completely annihilated an entire set of Tonka trucks, much to the dismay of his Mother, Barbara Windsor.
Windsor sued Tonka over their claims about the indestructibity of their products for £500,000,000, the estimated cost of keeping young Ross in toys until he reached adulthood.
Meanwhile Kemp's Brother, Steve McFadden, was happy to dress up his Action Man in Barbie dresses.
Within minutes of his birth he'd completely annihilated an entire set of Tonka trucks, much to the dismay of his Mother, Barbara Windsor.
Windsor sued Tonka over their claims about the indestructibity of their products for £500,000,000, the estimated cost of keeping young Ross in toys until he reached adulthood.
Meanwhile Kemp's Brother, Steve McFadden, was happy to dress up his Action Man in Barbie dresses.
DRM
Guru
- Location
- West Yorks
So it seems the current tangerine incumbent of the Whitehouse is going to sue the BBC for $5 Billion, and the BBC are set to fight the case, with high profile barristers, and their secret weapon, one of their most important presenters, a certain Ross Kemp, who has his bags packed, and a selection of leather jackets ready to do battle with his orangeness, who has no idea what he has set himself up for, Mr Kemp is on record saying, No Yankee ponce gets away with dissing my beloved BBC!
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Word is Ross Kemp has established a training camp in the Congo to train for his forthcoming assault on the whitemhouse.
However, the CIA have got wind of this and have sent the American Ross Kemp, a Mr Vin Diesel, to sort out Kemp and end rhe attack.
However, Diesel has eaten something that diaagreed with him and the only rumble in the jungle seems likely to be the one in the lavvy at Mr Diesel's hotel.
However, the CIA have got wind of this and have sent the American Ross Kemp, a Mr Vin Diesel, to sort out Kemp and end rhe attack.
However, Diesel has eaten something that diaagreed with him and the only rumble in the jungle seems likely to be the one in the lavvy at Mr Diesel's hotel.
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OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Ross Kemp killed Bin Laden with a vicious head butt.
The Navy Seals were only too happy to take the credit in order to maintain Kemp's cover.
The Navy Seals were only too happy to take the credit in order to maintain Kemp's cover.
DRM
Guru
- Location
- West Yorks
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/ce3wpwg4e0qo
Ross Kemp's latest business ventures has ended in disaster, he has been struck off Evri's list of approved parcel couriers when his homing goose christmas delivery service made a huge impact at a house in Leicestershire, not only was the door wrecked, but the parcel didn't survive the impact, but as can be seen the goose at least got photographic proof of delivery before leaving
Ross Kemp's latest business ventures has ended in disaster, he has been struck off Evri's list of approved parcel couriers when his homing goose christmas delivery service made a huge impact at a house in Leicestershire, not only was the door wrecked, but the parcel didn't survive the impact, but as can be seen the goose at least got photographic proof of delivery before leaving
Mad Doug Biker
Banned from every bar in the Galaxy
- Location
- Craggy Island
Ross Kemp can play the Mozart Requiem perfectly with his nose, on a recorder.
Ming the Merciless
There is no mercy
- Location
- Inside my skull
Anthony Joshua has just denied that he ran away and cried like a baby when he spilt Ross Kemp’s drink, at last nights after party. When asked for comment, Ross just laughed.
