What is the most cringey thing you have ever done??

[ASC1951]

...although let it be pointed out however that I've never been arrested (I've come damned close on one or two occasions though).

Oh, I have. Once for throwing stones at a greenhouse - shortly after the train episode above. I remember my red-faced father marching me from the Council offices (he was Town Clerk) into the Juvenile Court next door.
The second time was a couple of years ago, for cycling on the motorway on Tenerife. It is legal, but only if you are wearing hi-viz jimjams. I saw them go past me and give me a look, so I picked my bike up and legged it across the field to the parallel (but hideously bumpy!) road. They were waiting for me at the next roundabout.

No, it wasn't either of those.

 

[slowwww]

When I was about 14 I had a Saturday job in a hardware shop. It was a really boring day and it didn't much like the people I was working with and so was looking for a way to liven things up.

At the back of the shop were the light bulbs for sale, and there was a live bayonet socket that we tested bulbs in before selling them. With my less than startling physics knowledge, I thought that if I stuck my screwdriver in the socket and touch this across the two terminals, it might make a few sparks and perhaps a bit of noise.

Que large flash, bang, and all of the lights fused in the shop and the three flats above. The manager came rushing to the back of the shop and saw me trying to rapidly exit the scene. My protestations of innocence were rather undone by the fact that I was still holding the screwdriver, the end of which was melted, and there was a large black burn mark all around the socket.

My career in retail ended at that point!

 

[Globalti]

So many confessions I could make but probably the one you'll enjoy the most was when I was working for Gleeson's Civil Engineers on the new M40 where it cuts up through the Chilterns to Stokenchurch. In the site hut there was a small room for us surveyors' assistants (they called us "chain boys"!) where we kept out kit and ate our sandwiches. Somebody showed me that if you lifted the bottom of a JCB poster on the wall, there was a hole that you could look through and see straight up the skirt of the site receptionist next door. So one fine day I got back from the morning's work setting out bridges and thought I'd have a quick look before eating my sandwiches. Got down and lifted the poster, peered though and... there was an eye looking back at me! I heard a commotion and a woman's voice saying "it was the one with the glasses!" and about a minute later the door flew open and the site manager burst in, furious and demanding to know who had made the hole. I stammered that it wasn't me and he just yelled "get it effing blocked up!" then made off.

From then on I had trouble looking at the receptionist whenever I passed her desk; terrible for a shy 17 year-old.

 

[ASC1951]

With my less than startling physics knowledge, I thought that if I stuck my screwdriver in the socket and touch this across the two terminals, it might make a few sparks and perhaps a bit of noise.

Oh dear, I've done that as well. Poking bits of Meccano into the electric fire, then being amazed when it went bang and I had to let go.

 

[Minotier]

Many years ago I had been working on the afternoon shift in a woodworking factory and I managed to slice open my middle finger of my left hand whilst repairing a saw shaft on a board trimmer.
Off to the hospital to get it dressed and back to work. I left early and decided to call at the local chippy on the way home.
'Fish and chips wrapped please May' I said to the Chinese owner, she looked at me and my heavily bandaged finger, ''Sore finger, sore finger' she said.
'Yes I've done it at work' says I. 'No,no' said May, and motioned putting Salt and Vinegar on my supper. I wished the ground had opened up.

 

[asterix]

Something I still don't think I can share with the good folks of C+, not even twenty years later.

Awww go on, we won't tell!

 

[accountantpete]

Metal sweet dispenser on wall outside shop.

This one took sixpences and had the habit of jamming and swallowing the money without giving out the goods.

A knowledgeable person would wait for a couple of days and then give the slot an almighty blow which would dislodge a few of the coins trapped inside. Being greedy that person would also go into the shop and complain that the machine had just swallowed their sixpence upon which the shopkeeper would go around with the key and find the coin stuck in the slot along with a couple of others.

A knowledgeable person would sense that one of his mates was standing behind him and -,eager to impress - would loudly impart all this hard found wisdom to him without turning round to confirm that it was his friend and not a suspicious shopkeeper standing there..

 

[asterix]

Was on a stag night and as group we were chucking a bit of wood around like a caber and shouting geronimo as we let go. When my turn came my random shot went straight over this high fence followed by a loud crash of glass. We left the scene I'm afraid.

However, a couple of days later at the wedding reception we were recounting what had happened on the stag night with the bride's father. After we described the breaking glass incident he said: "Yes that was my green house.. " I was of course delighted to be given the chance to pay for the damage! (Declined)

 

[Andrew_P]

My Family and Family friends were staying in a hotel in San Francisco in the early eighties I was about 14, and my parents friends son was the same age and we were sharing a room, he had gone to see his parents about something in the morning so I hid in the bathroom awaiting his return to make him jump, the door opens and I leap out of my spot screaming freeze mother farker, with my hands holding an imaginary gun, the hotel cleaner nearly cacked herself and was screaming all kinds of stuff, boy was she (rightfully) pished off with me, I thought she was going to kill me!!

 

[Fnaar]

Invited a Spanish woman I fancied out for a drink. She turned up at the appointed bar, at the appointed time... with her boyfriend. Being a decent chap, I didn't make my excuses and leave, I sat through 2 hours or so of excruciating conversation, trying to pretend to the world that I had just made a social invitation, while all the time being cringingly aware of the fact that my motivations were entirely carnal, and that I had horribly misread things.

 

[vernon]

Even worse than putting stones on the railway line to see if I could get the train to bounce. I mean, that was over half a century ago and I was only seven.

Half a century ago I spent an age spitting on the Darlington - Bishop Auckland branch line believing it would make the trains skid.....

 

[Globalti]

Invited a Spanish woman I fancied out for a drink. She turned up at the appointed bar, at the appointed time... with her boyfriend. Being a decent chap, I didn't make my excuses and leave, I sat through 2 hours or so of excruciating conversation, trying to pretend to the world that I had just made a social invitation, while all the time being cringingly aware of the fact that my motivations were entirely carnal, and that I had horribly misread things.

This is why you need a mobile with a "bogus call" feature where you can press a certain button in your pocket and a minute later it rings you, allowing you to concoct a story and exit early.

 

[Fnaar]

Fair point globalti, but this was 1987

 

[threebikesmcginty]

Fair point globalti, but this was 1987

No excuses, you could have had this baby discretely hidden about your personage.

 

[RaRa]

First year of Uni I had a summer job in a specialized horticultural farm that had a little tea room and shop to sell the produce. One day I heard a loud beeping and I spent ages trying to track it down but couldn’t because the darn beep kept moving. For some reason it really bugged me and after about 20 mins I very loudly expressed my annoyance and suggested that whoever was responsible for the noise deserved to die. At this point a quiet little voice piped up from the corner of the tea room and an elderly lady in a wheelchair explained that the beep was her machine which she needed for her heart to work and she was very sorry but she couldn’t turn it off as she would indeed die.
I wanted the earth to open and swallow me whole – even now I can still feel the burning shame all these years later.