Skol looked me up and down and suddenly announced in a party-hushing voice "Blimey, you don't look fat in your forum photograph!" A stunned silence fell upon the group, eventually punctuated by a low moaning sound which was pretty scary, and more so when I realised that it was coming from me! Oh, the shame ...
The grief I felt for my long-gone, slimmer, inner-cyclist erupted into the public domain. Skol was banished to the naughty bench on the fringes of the car park by the rest of the group as they reassured me with friendly man-hugs, and dabbed the tears from my cheeks with only lightly-soiled hankies!
Eventually, the sobbing subsided, and I gritted my teeth, finally ready to face the hilly torment ahead. I uttered the inevitable decree - "Skol - you may now rejoin us!"
First things first ... As he approached, I kicked his legs from under him, and he squirmed about beneath me as I looked down and ordered him to take his punishment like a man. I leapt into the air with all the grace of a recently-outed fat guy and slammed down on him in a devastating act of vengeance. Giant Haystacks - eat your heart out!
Skol staggered to his feet and recanted. He assured me that I was the slimmest, best-looking cyclist that he had seen since I'd jumped on him. (The other 5 CycleChatters were standing behind him at the time!)
I'm not known for bearing grudges. I slapped Skol's face a couple of times on each cheek - hard - told him not to do it again, and then told the assembled group to 'saddle up'.
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