Any good jokes ... ?

[Dag Hammar]

What irritates me immensely is* pedantics who believe they are the grammar police!

Same people who tell you your shoes laces are undone.

Or you labels outside your clothing!🤣🤣

*Puposly dine fir effect!

Begging your pardon sir but having checked with Collins online English Dictionary there is no such word as “pedantics”
The correct word that you should have chosen is “pedant” or “pedants”. One can be pedantic.

Perhaps I am being semantic ?

 

[PeteXXX]

My next door neighbour is going to the West Indies..
Jamaica?

No, she wanted to go... 😋

Actually, she really is: she's leaving in a few minutes 😂

 

[matticus]

It irritates me immensely.

there's another thread for that, you buffoon.

 

[tyred]

What is wrong with repeating jokes anyway?

It worked out pretty well for Bruce Forsythe!

 

[Vapin' Joe]

It worked out pretty well for Bruce Forsythe!

There's no E in Forsyth.

Just so's you know.

 

[raleighnut]

"There are only 3 original ideas in the world and you haven't had any of them."

The best thing my life drawing teacher said to me (and the class) as a precocious teenager.

In Art at School we were often told to go outside and draw something, the school was opposite a Norman Church with a fantastic Lychgate or some turned round and drew the old school building (former Church School)
I went out and drew the outside lavvy.................Pan, Cistern and downpipe..............it got put up on the wall as nobody had ever in all the years drawn that.................How about that for originality

 

[lenfield]

What is wrong with repeating jokes anyway?

It worked out pretty well for Bruce Forsythe!

And Freddie Starr. He hardly changed his act in 30 years.

 

[Cavalol]

Sometimes the ones complaining a joke has been repeated are the ones who never seem to have posted a joke on this thread themselves. Nobody is stopping you adding some of your own.


Anyhow, Felixstowe police stumbled upon 20 drums of petrol today, with an estimated street value of £55M. They were hidden inside a shipment of Columbian cocaine.

 

[AndyRM]

In Art at School we were often told to go outside and draw something, the school was opposite a Norman Church with a fantastic Lychgate or some turned round and drew the old school building (former Church School)
I went out and drew the outside lavvy.................Pan, Cistern and downpipe..............it got put up on the wall as nobody had ever in all the years drawn that.................How about that for originality

Duchamp. 1917.

 

[Cavalol]

I accidentally used my wife's body wash this morning.

I already feel like I'm never wrong.

 

[tyred]

* Disclaimer * This may have been posted somewhere else on the Internet.

 

[raleighnut]

View attachment 803302

Duchamp. 1917.

Sorry that's a Urinal not a Lavvy and it ain't even plumbed in, all I can say is the School building had been the Art School for 50+ years and no-one had drawn that, Everybody just drew the Church etc. (badly)

Pretty original for a 13 year old.

 

[kynikos]

There's no E in Forsyth.

Just so's you know.

...but there is one in Forsythe

 

[Mike Ayling]

Two Glaswegians, Archie and Jimmy, are sitting in the pub discussing Jimmy's forthcoming wedding.

"Och, it's all goin' pure dead brilliant," says Jimmy.

"Av goat everythin organised awready, the fluers, the church, the caurs, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night".
Archie nods approvingly.
I've even bought a kilt to be married in!" continues Jimmy.

"A kilt?" exclaims Archie, "That's magic, you'll look pure smart in that. Whit's the tartan?"

"Och," says Jimmy, "Ah imagine she'll be in white.

And that was joke number one in this thread.

 

[PeteXXX]

It was the very first post in this thread that's allegedly about jokes 😂

And that was joke number one in this thread.

As I said... 👍😊